Cand minti cel mai bine? Atunci cand spui adevarul.

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Nu sunt psiholog si nici nu am cautat vreodata sa inteleg cum inregistram lucruri in memorie si pe baza caror criterii inmagazinam amintirile. Dar am e explicatie, de fapt un rationament emotional.

Nu cred ca memoria noastra e selectiva, in sensul ca tinem minte doar lucrurile de care avem nevoie mai tarziu. Nu cred in asa ceva. Tinem minte doar adevarul si uitam miile de minciuni pe care le spunem, in care traim sau pe care le credem la un moment dat.

Stiti voi pe cineva care poate sa isi controleze memoria precum hardul unui calculator si sa stearga sau sa pastreze doar ceea ce vrea? Am o noua teorie nascuta in miez de noapte si intr-un moment in care mi-e sila de anumite lucruri, de oameni si prietenii. Iar nu pot dormi.

Eu cred ca inregistram si suntem capabili sa redam doar acele lucruri care spun adevarul despre noi, despre cine suntem noi. Si daca analizezi amintirile oamenilor iti dai seama cine sunt ei si cine si ce e cu adevarat important pentru ei.

Tinem minte momente pe care le-am trait intens si uitam penibilitatile si momentele in care am pretins ca suntem altcineva. Sau le tinem minte si pe acelea daca ceva ne-a marcat in acele momente, precum diferenta grotesca dintre ceea ce vroiam sa fim si ceea ce eram cu adevarat.

Eu imi aduc aminte conversatii intregi cu persoane la care tin foarte mult, dar nu tin minte nici ce mi-a spus cineva acum 5 minute, daca nu ma intereseaza. Si nici macar nu mai pun intrebari atunci cand nu ma intereseaza ceva. Adica opresc ciclul ce faci?-bine, tu?-bine la ce faci?-bine sau vrei un mar?-nu, multumesc, ca ma doare stomacul la vrei un mar?-nu. Si daca spun nu, nu mai insista. Accepta faptul ca mi-esti indiferent/indiferenta si nu mai astepta politeturi, ca nu le fac decat in mod exceptional.

Cel mai demoralizant e cand constati, intr-o relatie cu o valoare mai mare de zero, ca tu tii minte totul si celalalt nimic. Dar nimic. Nu din ce ai spus tu, ci din ce a spus el/ea. Oamenii care uita tot sunt oamenii goi pe dinauntru, care niciodata nu sunt ei, mai mult, care habar nu au cine sunt si traiesc constant intr-un fals prezent. De astia, mi-e sila.

What’s the best lie you can tell? The truth.

I’m not a psychologist and I never tried to understand how we record things in our memory and what criteria we use to record the memories. But I have an explanation which is more like an emotional reasoning.

I don’t believe that we use our memory only to deposit the things which we can use later in our lives. I think we record only the truth about us, and forget thousand of lies we tell, live or believe at one moment in time.

Do you know someone who can control the memory records like she/he can control his/her PC’s memory? I have a new theory created in the middle of the night and during a time when I’m sick of so called friendships, nice people and things. I cannot sleep again.

I believe that we record and we are able to re-play only the things which can talk about the real us, about who we really are. And if we analyze the people’s memories, we can draw a great portrait of who they are and what/who is really important to them.

We recall the great moments which we intensively lived, but we forget the awkward moments in which we pretended to be someone else. We might remember the awkward moments too, but just because in those seconds/minutes/hours something traumatized us, like the grotesque difference between what we wanted to be, and what we were.

I can remember full discussions with the persons I really care about, but I cannot remember a thing from the conversations took 5 minutes ago, if I’m not interested in the person or in the conversation. In other words, I break the chain How are you? – I’m fine. How are you? – Great, and I stop to How are you? – I’m fine. Or Do you want an apple? – No, thanks. I have a stomachache is transformed in Do you want an apple? – No. And if I say NO, please believe me, don’t buzz me anymore. Accept that I don’t care about you, and do not expect me to be polite, because I won’t be (only in some exceptional cases).

But the worst of the worst cases is when in any kind of relationship, you observe that you have a good memory, meanwhile the other cannot recall a thing. Nothing. Not from what you said, but from what she/he said. People who forget everything are empty inside, they are never themselves, they never know who they are and they live constantly in a false present time. I’m sick of these people.

VPT

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Viitorul este mut.

Un cercetator american de 93 de ani construieste orasul viitorului. Si inca din anii ‘70. Jaque Fresco ii aseaza pe oamenii viitorului in cercuri, lanseaza avioane radiant, creeaza masini aerodinamice, genereaza energie prin chestii fotovoltaice, integreaza tehnologia in natura si ne deplaseaza in aparate de zbor VTOL (vertical take-off and landing). Mai mult, viseaza la gradini exuberante si la zone rezidentiale cu case izolate. Vrea sa inlocuiasca actualul sistem social. Si cica filmul Demolatorul, pe care eu nu l-am vazut, a pornit de la ideile sale. Centrul de cercetare si design al lui Jaque este in Florida, iar primul oras experimental ar putea sa fie construit undeva in America de Sud.

Curiosi? Despre viitorul mut, proiectul Venus aici: Beyond politics, poverty and war. Credeti ca oamenii viitorului vor accepta sa traiasca intr-un astfel de oras? Credeti ca acest proiect va reusi? Credeti ca merita sa se investeasca carute de bani intr-un astfel de proiect?

Prezentul e galagios.

Inchid geamul de la masina si ascult in continuare Snow Patrol. Nu pot sa il mai aud pe copilul care imi lipeste de geam un bilet in care imi spune povestea lui de cersetor. Cobor in centru in ritm de clanxoane, vorbesc la telefon in care urlu ca sa fiu auzita, in timp ce in dreapta mea, Mihai de 9 ani imi cere bani de mancare.

Ne plimbam linistiti pe trotuar, in ritm de week-end si de centru, in spatele nostru un copil plange isteric. Parintii se agita sa il calmeze. Inot pe spate, cu urechile in apa, ca sa potolesc zgomotul din jur si sa traiesc linistita prezentul. Pe o terasa izolata ascultam muzica franceza veche, in timp ce de la bar urla un dance-disco-house combination. Ma avant din nou in apa. De data asta, incerc sa inot spre fundul bazinului. De prea multa liniste nu pot respira. Revin, tanti de la autogara canta in microfonul – still anii ‘80 – ca microbuzele si autobuzele vor pleca spre… “la orele 7”, de langa jumatatea de trotuar pe care ea o numeste peron. Plec. Imi pun castile in urechi, ascult Kabaret – Patricia Kaas si citesc Zorro.

Trecutul e o tragedie comica.

Am vazut astazi Nunta Muta a lui Horatiu Malaele. Un prezent plin de vaduve si de lumanari si ruine. Un trecut comic, colorat, dar cu final tragic. Un film devenit mut din cauza regimului comunist, adica din cauza povestii, si nu din cauza unei tehnologii primitive.

Merita vazut.

FPP

The future is in silent mode.

An American researcher (93 years old!!!) builds the city of the future world, and he has been started in the ‘70s. Jaque Fresco places the future human beings in circles, launches the planes in a radiant way, develops aerodynamic cars, creates energy through photovoltaic things, relates the technology with the nature, and provides VTOL (vertical take-off and landing) flying machines. Moreover, he dreams at beautiful houses with huge and exotic gardens, isolated from neighbors. He wants to replace the current social system with a new one. And I heard that his project inspired the movie Demolition Man (I didn’t see that movie, did you?). Fresco’s lab is placed in Florida, and the first pilot city would be built somewhere in South America. Are you curious? If you want to find more about the silent future, and Venus project, click here: Beyond politics, poverty and war. Do you think that people will accept to live in such a city? Do you think that the project will be a successful one? What do you think, is it fair to invest this huge amount of money in such a project?

The present is on high volume

I close the car’s window and I continue to listen to SnowPatrol. I cannot listen anymore to the child who puts on my window a note with his story as a beggar. I get down from the car in the city, in the horns’ sound, I talk on the phone and I scream so that I can be heard, meanwhile next to me Mihai, who is 9, asks me for money or for food.

We were walking on the street, downtown, in a beautiful week-end. Behind us, a baby screams hysterically. The parents are angry in their effort to calm down the baby. I swim, with my head under the water, to leave the sound behind me and to live quietly the present. In a nice and isolated restaurant we listen to some French old music, meanwhile in the same restaurant, at the bar the people listen to some dance-disco-house combination. I jump again in the water. I try to swim going deeper and deeper in the water. It’s too much silence, I cannot breathe and I come back. The lady from the information office from the bus station sings in the microphone that buses will leave at 7 am, from the almost invisible sidewalk that she officially calls gate. I leave the bus station. I put my headphones on and I listen to Kabaret – Patricia Kaas and read Zorro.

The past is a comic tragedy

I saw today The Silent Wedding directed by Horatiu Malaele. The present is full with widows, candles and ruins. There is a past which is comic, colored, but with a tragic end. The movie is a mute one not because of a bad and primitive technology, but because of the communism. Watch it!