Si parca mi se aduce aminte

Oare am murit? Repet muzica la nesfarsit. Nu mai simt nimic din ce am simtit. Citesc ce am scris si nu mai recunosc nimic. Nici nu imi mai aduc aminte ce am trait. Parca ar fi povestile altcuiva, doar ale mele nu. Cuvinte goale care nu imi mai spun nimic.

Rece. Aproape indiferenta. Nu ma mai sperie curbele, ba chiar le iau in viteza, apasand si mai tare acceleratia ca sa simt ceva. Ca zbor. Si zbor. Si ma bucur cand orasul e gol.

Fals, simt ca zambesc. Fals, ma var intr-o lume si trec fara sa o fi simtit. Caut, sa plang, sa rad, sa fac, sa dreg, ca sa zambesc, din nou.

Oamenii intra si ies, fara sa bata. Ii inchid, ii deschid. Nu mai e nimic de ascuns sau de spus. Aici e deja pustiu. Si poate ca am murit.

Whatever

"Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there,

with open arms and open eyes"

On movies again

You could say I'm high, 'cause I'm on movies again :), and there is a strange feeling I've been having about these movies of the 2000's. It's hard to explain, but I will try. They go deep into our minds, search for our personal thoughts, experiences, fears, strengths, feelings, memories, things that make us smile or cry... yeah, that's nothing new. All movies, from all times, do/did this.

But there is something special with these new movies. They got our internal rythm of life. They got our feelings and the way we live them, second by second. They know exactly when we would get bored and what they should do to resuscitate us. There is an almost perfect match between our feelings, thoughts, expectations and their script, the actors they pick, the images they choose, the music they play. And that's not all...

You watch a movie, and sometimes it seems like you are watching your life. Not the whole story, even if this could happen too, but small parts of it: a smile you saw before, a moment you've already lived, a way of following your dream, pictures you have taken when you were in vacation, things you have said and so on.

The last movies I've seen: Shutter Island, Inception, Prison Break (still watching this).

Facebook

I was almost there, but I got saved :)) Watch it:

http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/267112

"Just say you understand"

One idea came into my mind this morning when I couldn't get out of my car because I wanted to listen to the whole song that was playing (from my own CD!). It's a Goo Goo Dolls song, from Let Love In album - Without you here is the name of the song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGiwMGe5E3g&feature=related). It is not the greatest song I have ever heard, and it won't be in my top 10, but...

I think that the most successful songs will be those that you get them before the lyrics start or you can guess the lyrics just by listen to the background sound. The composer / the band will reach his / their objective when the listeners know the song and understand it from the first 5 seconds and they are dying to listen to the whole song just to make sure that their guess was right.

One bite of happiness

"This part of my life, this little part, is called happiness" (The pursuit of happyness). So all the rest is the pursuit of happiness.

It was a very good movie, and I cannot imagine how I missed it in 2006. You would say it is about feelings and other stuff, generalizing the concept of happiness. But it is not. It is not an essay-movie, it is life. It is about work, hard work in harsh life conditions, for your dreams. And it is about finding solutions and take actions under life's pressure. You don't have time to plan, you adapt quickly, you might be wrong, but you must try, because it is your final chance. And you never give up, and you never forget who you are and what you want.

"If you want something. Go and get it. Period."

Linking Park mood

I've heard one of their new songs these days, and I recalled myself listening to them. That's one of my favorite Linking Park songs:



Also try: Carousel, Esaul, Breaking the habit, Points of authority, Not alone, My december, Papercut, Leave out all the rest and others.

Organic propaganda

nos_enfants_nous_accuseront
by beloutte

http://nosenfantsnousaccuseront-lefilm.com/

Send your lifeboats

For the English version of this article, click here.

"Wake, wake up/dreaming only leads to more and more nightmares/snap out of it/you said it in a way that showed you really cared" (Snow Patrol, Lifeboats)

Visele mele preferate sunt acelea care incep (si se termina) atunci cand inca sunt pe jumatate treaza, pentru ca sunt aproape reale si pentru ca daca ma trezesc atunci nu stiu daca a fost vis sau chiar mi s-a intamplat ce inca imi sade acolo in creier ca o amintire... o amintire pe care nu stiu de ce sa o leg. Si, de obicei, in aceste vise continuu discutii cu oamenii pe care i-am intalnit in acea zi sau continuu momente pe care le-am trait candva. Sau incep discutii pe care le pornesc apoi in realitate si incep momente din viata pe baza acelor vise.

"Sing out, sing out, the silence only eats us from the inside up" (Snow Patrol, Lifeboats)

Mai am un pic si o sa port tocuri. Invat cum vreau sa fiu si sunt precum invat, zi de zi, asa cum cred ca ai dori sa fiu pentru noi. Nu reprim nimic, ci doar gasesc locuri bune, acolo in mine, unde sa pastrez si sa dosesc cele mai puternice sentimente. Rad si plang putin, tot mai putin. Construiesc mastile, miscarile, zambetele si ma instruiesc in arta umezirii ochilor fara lacrimi si suspine. Invat sa arat viata din mine si pe mine doar prin ochi, degete, buze, ton, cuvinte-semn, discutiile pe care le port, muzica pe care o ascult si filmele si cartile pe care le citesc in autobuz. Invat sa imi infrunt frica si scarba, insist pe autocontrol si am inceput sa scriu cu stiloul.

"Kiss me, kiss me, life is way too short to scream and shout" (Snow Patrol, Lifeboats)

Mirosea complicat, a eternitate. Tremur. Stiu ca e ceea ce nu se poate intampla si ca e ceea ce nu pot sa am, dar totusi. Impietresc. Experimentez ceea ce as simti daca ar fi adevarat, daca eternitatea ar fi aici. Trece si inca tot nu vreau sa recunosc realitatea. Am ajuns. Imi vine sa plang, sa strig, sa spun tot ce nu am spus sau sa tac si sa inghit fiecare cuvant spus.

Zambesc. Revin in lumea de acum. Parca am scris ceva stupid, sa verific eternitatea. Nici nu mai stiu daca am primit raspuns. Prezentul nu a fost important niciun moment. A fost acolo si mirosea complicat. A eternitate.

Send your lifeboats

"Wake, wake up/dreaming only leads to more and more nightmares/snap out of it/you said it in a way that showed you really cared" (Snow Patrol, Lifeboats)

My favorite dreams are those that start (and end) when I’m half asleep and half awake, because they are almost real, and because if I wake up that moment, I won’t know if it was a dream or if it really happened to me, that „memory” of reality or of a dream. It’s a memory that I cannot yet connect to anything real or unreal, but it’s there. And, usually, in these dreams, I continue some discussions I had that day or I live forward some of my life’s moments. Or I open some discussions that I’ll continue in reality or I try to bring to life the moments I dreamed.

"Sing out, sing out, the silence only eats us from the inside up" (Snow Patrol, Lifeboats)

The day that I will wear high heels is closer and closer. I learn how I want to be, and I’m what I learn, day by day I become the one you want me to be for us. I don’t repress any feeling, but I find good places inside me where I can keep and hide the strongest feelings I have, those that are only mine. I laugh and cry so little, every day more rarely. I build my masks, my movements, my smiles and I teach myself the art of crying without weeping. I teach myself to show the life I have inside only through my eyes, fingers, lips, words, timbre, discussions I take, the music I listen to, the movies I watch and the books I read. I learn how to stop the fear and disgust, I focus on self-control and I start writing with a red pen.

"Kiss me, kiss me, life is way too short to scream and shout" (Snow Patrol, Lifeboats)

There was a complicate smell in the air. It was the smell of eternity. I’m shivering. I know that’s something that cannot happen and that I cannot have, but still. I’m frozen. I try to feel what I would feel if it was real, if the eternity was here. It goes away and I still don’t want to accept reality. I’m here. I want to cry, shout, to say everything I didn’t say or to swallow every word I said.

I give it one smile. I’m back in the current world. I think I wrote down something stupid, just to check on the eternity. I cannot even remember if I got an answer. It didn’t matter. The current time wasn’t important to any moment. I was there, I smelled the eternity, and it was complicated.

L-am revazut, ca un moft al meu

Daca n-ar fi despre iubire, poate ar fi filmul meu preferat. Si ce ma mai deranjeaza la acest film este titlul: In the mood for love. Ar fi perfect daca acest titlu nu ar intoarce perceptia asupra filmului pe dos.

Dragostea din film nu e doar un moft, doar o dispozitie. Si apoi nu e imposibila doar asa ca nu au personajele chef de sentimente, relatii, complicatii. Ba dimpotriva e complicat. E despre sentimente infranate ca cele doua caractere sa nu iasa din ceea ce sunt si sa intre in zona a ceea ce sunt sotii lor care ii insala. Vor doar sa inteleaga de ce oamenii insala si reusesc sa priceapa doar atunci cand se indragostesc unul de altul. Si se opresc. Atat vroiau si asta era granita pe care nu vroiau sa o treaca. Da, e despre morala, respect de sine, respect fata de sentimentele altora.

Isi continua viata fara sotii lor, dar si departe unul de celalalt. Sentimentele lor insa nu se schimba. Si atunci eu nu mai prea pricep, dar ma multumesc cu perfectiunea povestii, a taierii cadrelor, a montajului, a decorurilor, a rochiilor, a schimbarii de ritm si a muzicii si a dispozitiei pe care ti-o lasa. Poate la asta se refera titlul.