Cand minti cel mai bine? Atunci cand spui adevarul.

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Nu sunt psiholog si nici nu am cautat vreodata sa inteleg cum inregistram lucruri in memorie si pe baza caror criterii inmagazinam amintirile. Dar am e explicatie, de fapt un rationament emotional.

Nu cred ca memoria noastra e selectiva, in sensul ca tinem minte doar lucrurile de care avem nevoie mai tarziu. Nu cred in asa ceva. Tinem minte doar adevarul si uitam miile de minciuni pe care le spunem, in care traim sau pe care le credem la un moment dat.

Stiti voi pe cineva care poate sa isi controleze memoria precum hardul unui calculator si sa stearga sau sa pastreze doar ceea ce vrea? Am o noua teorie nascuta in miez de noapte si intr-un moment in care mi-e sila de anumite lucruri, de oameni si prietenii. Iar nu pot dormi.

Eu cred ca inregistram si suntem capabili sa redam doar acele lucruri care spun adevarul despre noi, despre cine suntem noi. Si daca analizezi amintirile oamenilor iti dai seama cine sunt ei si cine si ce e cu adevarat important pentru ei.

Tinem minte momente pe care le-am trait intens si uitam penibilitatile si momentele in care am pretins ca suntem altcineva. Sau le tinem minte si pe acelea daca ceva ne-a marcat in acele momente, precum diferenta grotesca dintre ceea ce vroiam sa fim si ceea ce eram cu adevarat.

Eu imi aduc aminte conversatii intregi cu persoane la care tin foarte mult, dar nu tin minte nici ce mi-a spus cineva acum 5 minute, daca nu ma intereseaza. Si nici macar nu mai pun intrebari atunci cand nu ma intereseaza ceva. Adica opresc ciclul ce faci?-bine, tu?-bine la ce faci?-bine sau vrei un mar?-nu, multumesc, ca ma doare stomacul la vrei un mar?-nu. Si daca spun nu, nu mai insista. Accepta faptul ca mi-esti indiferent/indiferenta si nu mai astepta politeturi, ca nu le fac decat in mod exceptional.

Cel mai demoralizant e cand constati, intr-o relatie cu o valoare mai mare de zero, ca tu tii minte totul si celalalt nimic. Dar nimic. Nu din ce ai spus tu, ci din ce a spus el/ea. Oamenii care uita tot sunt oamenii goi pe dinauntru, care niciodata nu sunt ei, mai mult, care habar nu au cine sunt si traiesc constant intr-un fals prezent. De astia, mi-e sila.

What’s the best lie you can tell? The truth.

I’m not a psychologist and I never tried to understand how we record things in our memory and what criteria we use to record the memories. But I have an explanation which is more like an emotional reasoning.

I don’t believe that we use our memory only to deposit the things which we can use later in our lives. I think we record only the truth about us, and forget thousand of lies we tell, live or believe at one moment in time.

Do you know someone who can control the memory records like she/he can control his/her PC’s memory? I have a new theory created in the middle of the night and during a time when I’m sick of so called friendships, nice people and things. I cannot sleep again.

I believe that we record and we are able to re-play only the things which can talk about the real us, about who we really are. And if we analyze the people’s memories, we can draw a great portrait of who they are and what/who is really important to them.

We recall the great moments which we intensively lived, but we forget the awkward moments in which we pretended to be someone else. We might remember the awkward moments too, but just because in those seconds/minutes/hours something traumatized us, like the grotesque difference between what we wanted to be, and what we were.

I can remember full discussions with the persons I really care about, but I cannot remember a thing from the conversations took 5 minutes ago, if I’m not interested in the person or in the conversation. In other words, I break the chain How are you? – I’m fine. How are you? – Great, and I stop to How are you? – I’m fine. Or Do you want an apple? – No, thanks. I have a stomachache is transformed in Do you want an apple? – No. And if I say NO, please believe me, don’t buzz me anymore. Accept that I don’t care about you, and do not expect me to be polite, because I won’t be (only in some exceptional cases).

But the worst of the worst cases is when in any kind of relationship, you observe that you have a good memory, meanwhile the other cannot recall a thing. Nothing. Not from what you said, but from what she/he said. People who forget everything are empty inside, they are never themselves, they never know who they are and they live constantly in a false present time. I’m sick of these people.