Când mă aşez pe un gând / Thinking about thinking

Pay your debts, Europe!

2011-11-28T22:08:00.001+02:00

I've just watched this documentary on Racism, after I read a report on a survey made by EU (Making a difference in the world: Europeans and the future of development aid). Dear (Western) Europeans stop talking about "aid", you have a huge "debt" towards a lot of people from your ex-colonies. Pay back what you stole, destroyed and killed, first of all!

Something to magnify my better half

2011-04-30T21:18:00.003+02:00

Try to imagine that you wake up, tomorrow morning or any other day you like, in a different reality, in another life than the one you live right now. And this reality is not just another reality, but it’s a new life in which you lose everything you consider or you should consider to be of value for yourself.

If you are a doctor and you love that… guess what? You are not a doctor anymore; maybe you won’t have any job tomorrow morning. If you have a wife or a husband you love more than anyone, tomorrow morning she/he won’t be there next to you. Are you ready to lose everything? What will you do?

In other words, tomorrow morning, you will have to decide if you want to start all over again or… if you want to stop your life. What will be your choice? Of course, there is the third way. You can live in that new reality and still dreaming to the one you lived before. You can choose to live in frustration, hoping every day that you will get your previous life back tomorrow morning or next week or next year. You can start explaining to your new family, friends, people you meet that you are not jobless, that you are a doctor, that you have a good wife, etc. What do you think that they will think about all your stories from your “real” life? I will say that this is not a choice because you might end up in a hospital for mentally challenged people.

What will I choose? I will search for something to magnify my better half. No matter the environment, I’m still me. I’m always conscious of myself, of my previous experience, of the lessons I’ve learned during my “previous” life, and of my strengths and weaknesses. So I’m ready to start all over again and maybe I'll try to build something even better than I had before. I will consider the new reality a new chance to magnify my better half.

I try not to forget that every new day I live is another reality. It’s new and it’s another chance for me to magnify and improve my better half.

Si parca mi se aduce aminte

2010-12-22T22:24:00.002+02:00

Oare am murit? Repet muzica la nesfarsit. Nu mai simt nimic din ce am simtit. Citesc ce am scris si nu mai recunosc nimic. Nici nu imi mai aduc aminte ce am trait. Parca ar fi povestile altcuiva, doar ale mele nu. Cuvinte goale care nu imi mai spun nimic.

Rece. Aproape indiferenta. Nu ma mai sperie curbele, ba chiar le iau in viteza, apasand si mai tare acceleratia ca sa simt ceva. Ca zbor. Si zbor. Si ma bucur cand orasul e gol.

Fals, simt ca zambesc. Fals, ma var intr-o lume si trec fara sa o fi simtit. Caut, sa plang, sa rad, sa fac, sa dreg, ca sa zambesc, din nou.

Oamenii intra si ies, fara sa bata. Ii inchid, ii deschid. Nu mai e nimic de ascuns sau de spus. Aici e deja pustiu. Si poate ca am murit.

Whatever

2010-08-29T22:38:00.003+02:00

"Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there,

with open arms and open eyes"

On movies again

2010-08-09T23:27:00.004+03:00

You could say I'm high, 'cause I'm on movies again :), and there is a strange feeling I've been having about these movies of the 2000's. It's hard to explain, but I will try. They go deep into our minds, search for our personal thoughts, experiences, fears, strengths, feelings, memories, things that make us smile or cry... yeah, that's nothing new. All movies, from all times, do/did this.

But there is something special with these new movies. They got our internal rythm of life. They got our feelings and the way we live them, second by second. They know exactly when we would get bored and what they should do to resuscitate us. There is an almost perfect match between our feelings, thoughts, expectations and their script, the actors they pick, the images they choose, the music they play. And that's not all...

You watch a movie, and sometimes it seems like you are watching your life. Not the whole story, even if this could happen too, but small parts of it: a smile you saw before, a moment you've already lived, a way of following your dream, pictures you have taken when you were in vacation, things you have said and so on.

The last movies I've seen: Shutter Island, Inception, Prison Break (still watching this).

Facebook

2010-06-11T14:17:00.003+03:00

I was almost there, but I got saved :)) Watch it:

http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/267112

"Just say you understand"

2010-05-07T08:40:00.003+03:00

One idea came into my mind this morning when I couldn't get out of my car because I wanted to listen to the whole song that was playing (from my own CD!). It's a Goo Goo Dolls song, from Let Love In album - Without you here is the name of the song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGiwMGe5E3g&feature=related). It is not the greatest song I have ever heard, and it won't be in my top 10, but...

I think that the most successful songs will be those that you get them before the lyrics start or you can guess the lyrics just by listen to the background sound. The composer / the band will reach his / their objective when the listeners know the song and understand it from the first 5 seconds and they are dying to listen to the whole song just to make sure that their guess was right.

One bite of happiness

2010-04-10T00:38:00.004+02:00

"This part of my life, this little part, is called happiness" (The pursuit of happyness). So all the rest is the pursuit of happiness.

It was a very good movie, and I cannot imagine how I missed it in 2006. You would say it is about feelings and other stuff, generalizing the concept of happiness. But it is not. It is not an essay-movie, it is life. It is about work, hard work in harsh life conditions, for your dreams. And it is about finding solutions and take actions under life's pressure. You don't have time to plan, you adapt quickly, you might be wrong, but you must try, because it is your final chance. And you never give up, and you never forget who you are and what you want.

"If you want something. Go and get it. Period."

Linking Park mood

2010-03-28T22:38:00.003+02:00

I've heard one of their new songs these days, and I recalled myself listening to them. That's one of my favorite Linking Park songs:

Also try: Carousel, Esaul, Breaking the habit, Points of authority, Not alone, My december, Papercut, Leave out all the rest and others.

Organic propaganda

2010-02-25T10:57:00.001+02:00

nos_enfants_nous_accuseront
by beloutte

http://nosenfantsnousaccuseront-lefilm.com/

Send your lifeboats

2010-01-24T17:44:00.004+02:00

For the English version of this article, click here.

"Wake, wake up/dreaming only leads to more and more nightmares/snap out of it/you said it in a way that showed you really cared" (Snow Patrol, Lifeboats)

Visele mele preferate sunt acelea care incep (si se termina) atunci cand inca sunt pe jumatate treaza, pentru ca sunt aproape reale si pentru ca daca ma trezesc atunci nu stiu daca a fost vis sau chiar mi s-a intamplat ce inca imi sade acolo in creier ca o amintire... o amintire pe care nu stiu de ce sa o leg. Si, de obicei, in aceste vise continuu discutii cu oamenii pe care i-am intalnit in acea zi sau continuu momente pe care le-am trait candva. Sau incep discutii pe care le pornesc apoi in realitate si incep momente din viata pe baza acelor vise.

"Sing out, sing out, the silence only eats us from the inside up" (Snow Patrol, Lifeboats)

Mai am un pic si o sa port tocuri. Invat cum vreau sa fiu si sunt precum invat, zi de zi, asa cum cred ca ai dori sa fiu pentru noi. Nu reprim nimic, ci doar gasesc locuri bune, acolo in mine, unde sa pastrez si sa dosesc cele mai puternice sentimente. Rad si plang putin, tot mai putin. Construiesc mastile, miscarile, zambetele si ma instruiesc in arta umezirii ochilor fara lacrimi si suspine. Invat sa arat viata din mine si pe mine doar prin ochi, degete, buze, ton, cuvinte-semn, discutiile pe care le port, muzica pe care o ascult si filmele si cartile pe care le citesc in autobuz. Invat sa imi infrunt frica si scarba, insist pe autocontrol si am inceput sa scriu cu stiloul.

"Kiss me, kiss me, life is way too short to scream and shout" (Snow Patrol, Lifeboats)

Mirosea complicat, a eternitate. Tremur. Stiu ca e ceea ce nu se poate intampla si ca e ceea ce nu pot sa am, dar totusi. Impietresc. Experimentez ceea ce as simti daca ar fi adevarat, daca eternitatea ar fi aici. Trece si inca tot nu vreau sa recunosc realitatea. Am ajuns. Imi vine sa plang, sa strig, sa spun tot ce nu am spus sau sa tac si sa inghit fiecare cuvant spus.

Zambesc. Revin in lumea de acum. Parca am scris ceva stupid, sa verific eternitatea. Nici nu mai stiu daca am primit raspuns. Prezentul nu a fost important niciun moment. A fost acolo si mirosea complicat. A eternitate.

Send your lifeboats

2010-01-24T16:48:00.005+02:00

"Wake, wake up/dreaming only leads to more and more nightmares/snap out of it/you said it in a way that showed you really cared" (Snow Patrol, Lifeboats)

My favorite dreams are those that start (and end) when I’m half asleep and half awake, because they are almost real, and because if I wake up that moment, I won’t know if it was a dream or if it really happened to me, that „memory” of reality or of a dream. It’s a memory that I cannot yet connect to anything real or unreal, but it’s there. And, usually, in these dreams, I continue some discussions I had that day or I live forward some of my life’s moments. Or I open some discussions that I’ll continue in reality or I try to bring to life the moments I dreamed.

"Sing out, sing out, the silence only eats us from the inside up" (Snow Patrol, Lifeboats)

The day that I will wear high heels is closer and closer. I learn how I want to be, and I’m what I learn, day by day I become the one you want me to be for us. I don’t repress any feeling, but I find good places inside me where I can keep and hide the strongest feelings I have, those that are only mine. I laugh and cry so little, every day more rarely. I build my masks, my movements, my smiles and I teach myself the art of crying without weeping. I teach myself to show the life I have inside only through my eyes, fingers, lips, words, timbre, discussions I take, the music I listen to, the movies I watch and the books I read. I learn how to stop the fear and disgust, I focus on self-control and I start writing with a red pen.

"Kiss me, kiss me, life is way too short to scream and shout" (Snow Patrol, Lifeboats)

There was a complicate smell in the air. It was the smell of eternity. I’m shivering. I know that’s something that cannot happen and that I cannot have, but still. I’m frozen. I try to feel what I would feel if it was real, if the eternity was here. It goes away and I still don’t want to accept reality. I’m here. I want to cry, shout, to say everything I didn’t say or to swallow every word I said.

I give it one smile. I’m back in the current world. I think I wrote down something stupid, just to check on the eternity. I cannot even remember if I got an answer. It didn’t matter. The current time wasn’t important to any moment. I was there, I smelled the eternity, and it was complicated.

L-am revazut, ca un moft al meu

2010-01-02T10:06:00.006+02:00

Daca n-ar fi despre iubire, poate ar fi filmul meu preferat. Si ce ma mai deranjeaza la acest film este titlul: In the mood for love. Ar fi perfect daca acest titlu nu ar intoarce perceptia asupra filmului pe dos.

Dragostea din film nu e doar un moft, doar o dispozitie. Si apoi nu e imposibila doar asa ca nu au personajele chef de sentimente, relatii, complicatii. Ba dimpotriva e complicat. E despre sentimente infranate ca cele doua caractere sa nu iasa din ceea ce sunt si sa intre in zona a ceea ce sunt sotii lor care ii insala. Vor doar sa inteleaga de ce oamenii insala si reusesc sa priceapa doar atunci cand se indragostesc unul de altul. Si se opresc. Atat vroiau si asta era granita pe care nu vroiau sa o treaca. Da, e despre morala, respect de sine, respect fata de sentimentele altora.

Isi continua viata fara sotii lor, dar si departe unul de celalalt. Sentimentele lor insa nu se schimba. Si atunci eu nu mai prea pricep, dar ma multumesc cu perfectiunea povestii, a taierii cadrelor, a montajului, a decorurilor, a rochiilor, a schimbarii de ritm si a muzicii si a dispozitiei pe care ti-o lasa. Poate la asta se refera titlul.

Mirar el cielo

2009-12-27T20:37:00.005+02:00

From what I read:

"Imi place numele acestei sarbatori, in spaniola, mirar el cielo, pentru ca ma duce cu gandul la oglinda cerului. (...) In ajunul sarbatorii, fiecare trebuie sa se pregateasca. Nu facand o munca anume, ci, dimpotriva, incetinandu-si viata. (...) nu stelele conteaza, ci cunoasterea vidului. (...) Inchipuie-ti ca aceasta noapte este cea mai lunga din viata ta. Lasa-te purtat intr-o alta lume, ghiceste-o ca greierul, prin porii pielii tale, nu doar cu odaile goale ale ochilor, ci cu tot trupul. Respir-o, bea-o. Daca ai impresia ca stii ceva, uita tot ce stii. (...)priviti cerul si pierdeti-va in spatiu in aceasta noapte . (...) raman nemiscati, cu ochii deschisi, pentru a intra in spatiu. Am intrat din prima. Deasupra mea s-a deschis o poarta mare si am simtit ca alunec prin ea, nu in inchipuire, ci cu privirea, o miscare ce pornea din centrul corpului meu si se infunda in intuneric. (...) Mi se parea ca eram totodata aici si acolo, foarte aproape, foarte departe." / I like the name of this holiday, in Spanish, mirar el cielo, because it reminds me of the sky mirror. (...) During the holiday's eve, everyone should prepare for it. Not working, but, by contrary, slowing down their life. (...) not the stars are important, but the meeting of the emptiness between them. (...) Imagine this night as the longest night of your life. Let yourself carried in another world, guess it like a cicada, through your skins' pores, not just through your eyes' empty space, but through your whole body. Inhale it, drink it. If you think you know something, forget everything you know. (...) Look to the sky and lose yourself in space this night. (...) they stay still, with their eyes open in order to enter the space. I entered from the first try. Above me, a big gate opened and I felt slipping through it, not in my imagination, but through my look, a movement that started inside of my body and died in the darkness. (...) It seemed like I was there, and here at the same time, very close and faraway." (Urania, J.M.G. Le Clezio)

"Myself, I had never been to the ocean, and it was on the growing list of places I wanted to visited before I died. Not just to visit but be a part of; my idea of visiting the ocean was to be a sailor, and my idea of visiting Alaska was to work the pipeline, and my idea of Africa was to hunt and guide and explore, and my idea of Texas was to die at the Alamo, and my idea of Paris was to be in a room and write all this down". (Stay Here With Me, Robert Olmstead)

"Needing to learn something can become the best reason to do nothing in your life. You are always waiting around, always afraid to step or speak, afraid to do what people have been doing for thousands of years". (Stay Here With Me, Robert Olmstead)

"A remarcat: Dar, daca mergi in linie dreapta, nu vei putea intalni oameni". / "He observed: But, if you go straight, you won't be able to meet people". (Urania, J.M.G. Le Clezio)

Break the Silence

2009-12-08T23:24:00.000+02:00

Ruuuun!

2009-12-07T10:35:00.001+02:00

"I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done" (Snow Patrol, Run)

Cu televizorul, tampim poporul!

2009-12-01T18:03:00.005+02:00

Nu mai suport. N-am vrut sa zic nimic si am vrut sa ma abtin si sa imi vad de gandurile mele, dar nu mai suport. Mi-e scarba si trebuie sa dau tot afara din mine. Ce televiziune de rahat esti, cum naiba crezi ca o sa se mai uite cineva la emisiunile tale acum si in veci pururea, daca ma crezi prost, idiot, tembel, tampit si mai crezi ca inghit tot ce imi dai??????????????

Chiar orice buletin de stiri trebuie sa inceapa de cinci zile cu filmul cu Basescu lovind sau nelovind un copil???? Si astazi prezinti protestul anti-comunist din Timisoara ca un miting in care se cearta pdl-isti cu psd-isti si vorbesti de violente cum vorbea televiziunea romana de Piata Universitatii in '90??????????????????????? Mi-e scarba de Realitatea TV si de Antena 3! Sa le scada audientele pe cat a crescut apa in Venetia in ultimele zile!!! (de stirea asta ati auzit? nuuuuu? oare de ce?)

Vreau partialitate, nu tin cu Basescu, mi-am anulat primul vot, dar nu mai suport atata aroganta si atata partinire! Si m-am saturat sa vad doua televiziuni care ii considera pe romani prosti!

In aceste zile, sper ca romanii, aia pe care cele doua canale ii cred prosti, batuti in cap, idioti, tembeli, usor de manipulat, sa fi citit stirile pe net sau sa le fi trait pe pielea lor sau in cel mai prost caz sa se fi uitat la acasa tv, sport.ro, hallmark etc.

Si sa nu indrazniti sa imi spuneti ca nu stiu eu ce e aia jurnalism si obiectivitate, ca va mananc!

No End Story

2009-11-16T23:18:00.005+02:00

Pentru versiunea in limba romana, faceti click aici.

I took my bad cough, my hot tea and I went to a movie with a long title, in which Nicholas Cage plays the main role. He played quite well, so he might be nominated for an Oscar: he is a drug-addicted police lieutenant from New Orleans who suffers from severe back pains. In his delirium generated by his addiction and pains, he sees crocodiles, iguanas, he obtains the drugs illegally through bribes, misusing his authority, but meanwhile he is still capable of making justice in the world and solving his personal problems.

This lieutenant is like a drunk man who can barely walk, but he never falls. He brakes the law, he gets high, he "places" evidences, he threats old ladies, he f**ks rich and drug-addicted ladies on the street, he loses his money in gambling, smokes marijuana in the front of those he arrests, but he is still a hero. He catches the killers, and some drug dealers, and revenges the death of an almost innocent family of illegal aliens. Moreover, he has to deal with some personal issues: an alcoholic dad, an alcoholic and drug-addicted step-mother, a dog, a girlfriend who is a "luxury" prostitute, her clients, a dog and his debts from gambling.

The end is almost a happy-end, Cage swims through life like fish without dreams. But the story is not perfectly built, there are some small mistakes in at least two parts of the movie related to a silver spoon and a "lucky" pipe. At the same time, there are some good characters which are played well, and the dialogues seem real. The end of the movie gives the impression that the script writer wasn't really sure about it, he seems like he played with several "the-ends" and finally he picked up one, randomly, because he had to finish the story.

Film fara sfarsit

2009-11-15T22:52:00.004+02:00

Mi-am luat tusea seaca, nasul infundat si ceaiul cald si m-am dus la un film cu titlu lung si cu Nicholas Cage. A jucat bine si ma gandesc ca poate va fi nominalizat la un Oscar pentru rolul sau: un politist dependent de cocaina din cauza durerilor insuportabile de spate. In delirul sau, in care vede iguane, crocodili si isi obtine ilegal drogurile, prin mituire si abuz de putere, face dreptate in lume si isi rezolva problemele personale.

Precum un om beat care, chiar daca se impiedica in propriile picioare, arareori cade, asa e si cu locotenentul asta. Desi incalca legea, desi se drogheaza, falsifica probele, ameninta batrane, le-o trage consumatoarelor fitoase de droguri, isi pierde timpul si banii pe pariuri, fumeaza marijuana in fata arestatilor, ramane tot erou - prinde cativa dealeri importanti si razbuna moartea unei familii aproape nevinovate. Mai mult, are pe cap un tata alcoolic, o mama vitrega alcoolica si drogata, o iubita prostituata de lux si clientii acesteia, un caine si datoriile lui imense catre casa de pariuri.

Finalul e aproape fericit, Cage inoata in viata precum un peste fara vise. Povestea insa scartie pe alocuri, pe la o pipa si pe la o lingura de argint, dar are cateva personaje bune si bine jucate, dialoguri destul de reale. Sfarsitul insa e un pic cam nehotarat si iti da impresia ca scenaristul s-a blocat, s-a jucat de cateva ori cu cateva "the-end-uri" si pana la urma a ales unul, ca trebuia sa puna punct.

Off-topic: jumatate din oamenii veniti la film au plecat inainte de final. Nu stiu daca din cauza filmului sau se grabeau la ceva eveniment din mall, ca era mare vanzoleala prin zona. Sigur insa au plecat cativa idioti care s-au apucat sa rada de ritualul de inmormantare senegalez - o scena dramatica din film. Si cred ca erau aceiasi idioti care se inghesuiau la cumparat bilete la film (poti sa pui cate bariere, linii galbene, indicatoare, afise vrei, ca romanii astia tot nu se prind cum se sta la coada in mod civilizat si tot nu pricep pe unde se intra si pe unde se iese).

Missing U2 :)

2009-11-05T09:31:00.001+02:00

Clear mind, clear water

2009-09-29T18:07:00.011+02:00

If you want to see more pictures from the Black Sea, go here: http://picasaweb.google.com/beudean/TheBlackSeaClearWaterClearMind2009#

“What’s your name soldier?”/ “No trust, no deal” cu Tarantino

2009-09-05T11:04:00.009+02:00

For the English version of this article, click here.

Mai tineti minte bancul acela cu Titanic si Bruce Willis? Ce s-ar fi intamplat daca Bruce Willis ar fi jucat in Titanic? Ar fi salvat vaporul si oamenii si … adio poveste si istorie. Cam asa e si cu filmul lui Tarantino – Inglourious Basterds – o poanta cu scene bune, filmata bine, cu actori cu roluri scurte si “esentiale”. Razboiul se termina cu un an mai repede si in stilul lui Tarantino si al filmelor americane in care binele infrange si razbunarea se realizeaza inainte de “the end”.

Mi-a placut, desi nu pot spune ca nu m-am simtit un pic prost razand la bancul lui Tarantino. Cum pot sa rad de cruzimile din al doilea razboi mondial? Si ma intrebam ce or fi simtit germanii, evreii, vazand filmul acesta? Si oare razbunarea “dinte pentru dinte” nu e de condamnat?

Razbunarea? Pana la urma si evreica moare, intr-un fel e pedepsita pentru planul diabolic. In ceea ce priveste, suferinta evreilor, primul capitol o trateaza cu respect si surprinde perfect esenta lucrurilor si cruzimea evenimentelor, iar apoi aceasta coarda nu mai este atinsa. Apoi, filmul nu vorbeste de nemti, ci de nazisti, si oricum nemtii sunt prezentati ca niste persoane extrem de educate, care cel putin vorbesc mai multe limbi decat americanii. Iar cu americanii e ironic, dar reda caricatural si bine implicarea lor in sfarsitul celui de al doilea razboi mondial cand au venit si au curatat “rahatul” din Europa.

De fapt, toate personajele sunt niste caricaturi. Brad Pitt? Joaca bine, a inteles ca e vorba de o gluma si face bine pe nebunul. Si vorbeste italiana extraordinar! (Sigur ca da.)

M-am dat un pic si pe net si m-am uitat la criticile primite de film si unii zic ca Tarantino este intr-o pasa proasta, ca filmul nu are actiune, ca rolurile sunt prea scurte, ca unele lucruri, cum ar fi accentul de sudist al lui Brad Pitt, sunt exagerate si artificiale, ca schimba istoria, ca actorii europeni au primit roluri mici, ca e crud fara rost, dar totusi nu pana la capat s.a.m.d. Eu zic ca a fost un banc bine construit si ca trebuie privit doar din aceasta perspectiva si atat. Relaxati-va si aveti incredere in Tarantino.

“What’s your name soldier?”. “No trust, no deal” with Tarantino

2009-09-05T11:02:00.004+02:00

Do you remember the joke with Titanic and Bruce Willis? What would have happened if Bruce Willis had played in Titanic? He would have saved the boat, the people… and that will be the end of the story and of the history. Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds is quite similar – a good joke, with great scenes, shot well, with small, but complete roles. The war ends up one year earlier, in Tarantino style or in an American style in which the good wins and the revenge takes place before “the end”.

I liked the movie, but I cannot say that I felt completely comfortable laughing at Tarantino’s joke. It is still a “sensitive” joke about the cruelty of the world war II, and what did the Germans or the Jews think about this? And shouldn’t we condemn the “tooth for tooth” revenge?

Revenge? In the movie, the Jew woman,who planned the diabolic event, to burn the Fuhrer and hundreds Nazis, is punished, so she gets killed. Then the Jews’ suffer is well and respectfully treated and mentioned in the first chapter of the movie, and then this side of the war is not “touched” anymore. In addition, the movie doesn’t speak about Germans, it speaks about Nazis, and still the Germans are presented as very well educated men, who at least speak more languages than Americans. The movie is ironic with the Americans, but still it presents, in a very synthetic and funny way, how they got involved in the war and how they came to clean the European “shit”, following their democratic values.

All the characters are funny as some caricatures. Brad Pitt? He plays a good role, and he understood that the movie is a joke and he loves to play a crazy man. And he speaks a very good Italian. Lol.

I searched the Internet and I found out that the film critics were not so impressed by Tarantino’s movie. Some of them say that he is in a bad shape, that the movie has no action, that the roles are too small, some things are artificial and exaggerated (such as Brad Pitt’s accent), that the movie is too cruel or not cruel enough, that the European actors got only unimportant roles, etc. I say that it was a well built joke, and it has to be seen only from this perspective. So, relax and enjoy it and trust Tarantino.

L(i)(o)ve Cinema

2009-08-23T14:19:00.004+02:00

For the English version of this article click here.

Ma uitam pe programul de filme de la cinema acum 5 minute (atemporale). Nimic interesant. Se fac filme de zeci de ani… inca nu sunt o suta, nu? Si eu am inceput sa ma indoiesc de faptul ca ar mai fi subiecte care nu au fost atinse, perspective care nu au fost impartasite, scene si modalitati de filmare care sa nu fi fost incercate.

Am vazut in filme trecut, prezent si viitor. Ultimele filme bune pe care le-am vazut mi-au placut pentru ca: unul era ironic cu prezentul, unul avea o perspectiva bine exprimata asupra vietii, unul avea o actiune si un scenariu bine construite si unul mi-a adus aminte ca viata e gri si ca si cel mai mare criminal poate fi iubit. L-as iubi? Care sunt filmele? Nu conteaza.

Vorba unui prieten, nu ne mai speriem la filme de groaza. Nimic nu ne mai poate surprinde. Ne plictisesc povestile de iubire, comediile ni se par stupide, filmele SF - excesiv incarcate si fara consistenta, filmele politice – tot politice. Stiu ca am zis ca nu mai merg la Von Trier, dar el aduce in scena subiecte “bolnave” pe care altii fie nici macar nu le gandesc, fie nu au curajul sa le puna in film. Si e nou, revoltator si genial ce poate iesi dintr-o idee “vomata”.

Si cum n-am gasit niciun film de vazut, astept momentul noului film al lui Tarantino. Oare are ceva nou?Poate mi-ar placea sa ma duc la cinema ca sa ma uit la o transmisie live din Time’s Square… sa vedem ce fac new-york-ezii chiar acum, la ora 17. Si ce fac la 17-05. Spectatori din Romania sa urmareasca ce fac oameni din SUA. Si cei din Africa - ce fac cei din Asia si asa mai departe. Si fara stiri si meciuri de fotbal la cinema, va rog.

Oare poti inchiria de ziua ta o sala de cinema (cu popcorn cu tot) si sa alegi tu ce filme vrei sa le pui invitatilor? Oare ar veni cineva la o astfel de petrecere?

L(i)(o)ve Cinema

2009-08-23T14:16:00.004+02:00

I was looking at the list of the movies running in the theaters this week. Nothing interesting. There are less then one hundred years of cinema history (correct me if I’m wrong), and I began to think that there are no new subjects for the movies – all were discussed and presented over and over again. There are no new perspectives, scenes or ways of shooting a movie. Nothing can surprise us enough.

I saw the past, the present and the future in the movies. I liked the last movies I watched because: one was ironic with the present time, another one had a very good and well presented view over the life in general, another one had a very good script, and the last one reminded me that life is gray and even the biggest criminal can be loved. Would I love a criminal? Which are the movies? It doesn’t matter.

As one of my friends says the horror movies are not scary anymore. Nothing can surprise us anymore. We get bored when we watch a love story, the comedies are stupid, the SF movies don’t have consistence, but are based on excessive special effects, the political movies are too political. I know that I promised to never watch Von Trier’s movies again, but at least he has new subjects (quite “sick” topics) that others don’t dare to transform in movies or that others don’t even think about. And he is able to make from a “vomited” idea an original, and shocking movie.

So, I didn’t find any movie to watch. I’m waiting now for the new Tarantino’s movie. Would it have something new? Maybe I would love to go to the theater to watch a live movie/reality show from Time’s Square… just to see the New York people at 5 pm, or at 5:05 pm. So people from Romania will watch people from USA. And those from Africa will watch people from Asia and so on… But news and football games would not be projected in the theaters (please!).

I wonder if one can rent a theater for his/her birthday and pick up the movies he/she wants to share/watch with his/her guests. Would anyone come to such a birthday party?

U2 day - my unforgettable fire

2009-08-10T13:46:00.002+03:00

My favorite U2 song - Unforgettable fire ... is again in their concerts :)

The Unforgettable Fire
1984!!!

Ice
Your only rivers run cold
These city lights
They shine as silver and gold
Dug from the night
Your eyes as black as coal

Walk on by
Walk on through
Walk 'til you run
And don't look back
For here I am

Carnival
The wheels fly and the colors spin
Through alcohol
Red wine that punctures the skin
Face to face
In a dry and waterless place

Walk on by
Walk on through
So sad to beseige your love so head on
Stay this time
Stay tonight in a lie
I'm only asking but I...
I think you know
Come on take me away
Come on take me away
Come on take me home
Home again

And if the mountain should crumble
Or disappear into the sea
Not a tear, no not I

Stay in this time
Stay tonight in...
Ever after, this love in time
And if you save your love
Save it all

Don't push me too far
Don't push me too far
Tonight
Tonight
Tonight...

Ganduri de Intercity

2009-08-02T10:04:00.003+03:00

For the English version of this article, click here.
Am inteles in sfarsit de ce ma obosesc calatoriile din ultimul timp. N-au fost multe, dar suficiente sa imi dau seama ca imi place sa plec si sa nu ma intorc mai devreme de cateva luni. Dar in ultimul an, n-am facut decat sa ma intorc spre acelasi si acelasi loc - orasul in care mi-am cumparat cele mai multe genti. Si asta ma oboseste. Nu, nu sa imi cumpar genti, ci sa dau apa la moara locului din care cred ca vreau sa plec.

Tot in ultimul timp imi spun ca, de fapt, nu imi doresc altceva de la viata decat sa calatoresc nonstop, fara opriri de lunga durata, sa cumpar vederi, sa scriu vederi si jurnale de calatorie si, eventual, sa pictez. Ce o sa fac cu ce am agonisit pana acum? O sa port discutii interesante cu oamenii interesanti pe care sper sa ii intalnesc pe parcurs.

De ce nu ma uit si eu pe geam cand sunt in tren si ma pune ala mic si negru sa ma sprijin intr-un cot si sa ma uit asa, in fata, printre scaune? Atunci imi vin toate gandurile astea si nu ma pot concentra nici pe romanul care imi sta pe genunchi, nici pe muzica din casti si nici integrame nu pot sa fac. Pentru ca pe "culoarul" asta in V mai vezi o mana, jumatate de zambet, margine de sacou, colt de rucsac, gesturi fara sens. Si imi dau seama ca asta e tot ce vezi si in viata din ceilalti oameni. Niciodata nu ii poti vedea pe de-a-ntregul si atunci cand se apropie de scaunul tau pot sa iti ofere prea multe surprize.

Mai bine m-as uita pe geam si v-as spune despre ce a mai ramas din Romania. Am fi cu totii mai castigati dintr-o analiza a garilor, a campurilor de porumb si a ruinelor de la Copsa Mica.

Train thoughts

2009-08-02T09:57:00.003+03:00

Finally I understood why I get so tired when I'm traveling. I traveled enough in the last few weeks - long enough to realize that I don't like the fact that I have to come back. I love to leave and, if it's possible, never come back for good. But in the last year, I came back over and over again in the same place - the city where I bought a lot of purses. And this makes me tired. No, I'm not speaking about the shopping. I'm tired because I feel that coming back to the same old place strongly connects me to it - to the city I think I want to leave.

At the same time, lately, I tell myself that the only things I want from life are: traveling, buying postcards, writing postcards and journals, and, probably, painting. What would I do with all the knowledge and work and life experience I got till now? I would use these for all the interesting conversations I would have with interesting people I would meet.

I cannot understand myself. Usually people that travel put their eyes on the train's window and... look at whatever they see. That's not me. I look to the chairs symmetrically aligned in front of me and that's the moment when all these thoughts come into my mind and I cannot focus anymore on the novel I read or on the music I listen to. Looking to the chairs perfectly aligned, making a perfect passage where I can see parts of the travelers: a hand, half of a smile, a part of a jacket, the corner of a bag, some nonsense gestures. And I realized that's life. A passage where you can see or meet only parts of people, a passage where you can never get a person with all his/her details. And when a person gets up and comes to your chair you can have a lot of good or bad 'surprises'.

It would have been better to look out of the window, and now to tell you about what left from Romania. We probably would be happier with an analysis of the railway stations, corn fields or Copsa Mica ruins.

Cand minti cel mai bine? Atunci cand spui adevarul.

2009-07-04T02:24:00.001+03:00

For the English version of this article, click here.

Nu sunt psiholog si nici nu am cautat vreodata sa inteleg cum inregistram lucruri in memorie si pe baza caror criterii inmagazinam amintirile. Dar am e explicatie, de fapt un rationament emotional.

Nu cred ca memoria noastra e selectiva, in sensul ca tinem minte doar lucrurile de care avem nevoie mai tarziu. Nu cred in asa ceva. Tinem minte doar adevarul si uitam miile de minciuni pe care le spunem, in care traim sau pe care le credem la un moment dat.

Stiti voi pe cineva care poate sa isi controleze memoria precum hardul unui calculator si sa stearga sau sa pastreze doar ceea ce vrea? Am o noua teorie nascuta in miez de noapte si intr-un moment in care mi-e sila de anumite lucruri, de oameni si prietenii. Iar nu pot dormi.

Eu cred ca inregistram si suntem capabili sa redam doar acele lucruri care spun adevarul despre noi, despre cine suntem noi. Si daca analizezi amintirile oamenilor iti dai seama cine sunt ei si cine si ce e cu adevarat important pentru ei.

Tinem minte momente pe care le-am trait intens si uitam penibilitatile si momentele in care am pretins ca suntem altcineva. Sau le tinem minte si pe acelea daca ceva ne-a marcat in acele momente, precum diferenta grotesca dintre ceea ce vroiam sa fim si ceea ce eram cu adevarat.

Eu imi aduc aminte conversatii intregi cu persoane la care tin foarte mult, dar nu tin minte nici ce mi-a spus cineva acum 5 minute, daca nu ma intereseaza. Si nici macar nu mai pun intrebari atunci cand nu ma intereseaza ceva. Adica opresc ciclul ce faci?-bine, tu?-bine la ce faci?-bine sau vrei un mar?-nu, multumesc, ca ma doare stomacul la vrei un mar?-nu. Si daca spun nu, nu mai insista. Accepta faptul ca mi-esti indiferent/indiferenta si nu mai astepta politeturi, ca nu le fac decat in mod exceptional.

Cel mai demoralizant e cand constati, intr-o relatie cu o valoare mai mare de zero, ca tu tii minte totul si celalalt nimic. Dar nimic. Nu din ce ai spus tu, ci din ce a spus el/ea. Oamenii care uita tot sunt oamenii goi pe dinauntru, care niciodata nu sunt ei, mai mult, care habar nu au cine sunt si traiesc constant intr-un fals prezent. De astia, mi-e sila.

What’s the best lie you can tell? The truth.

2009-07-03T02:24:00.000+03:00

I’m not a psychologist and I never tried to understand how we record things in our memory and what criteria we use to record the memories. But I have an explanation which is more like an emotional reasoning.

I don’t believe that we use our memory only to deposit the things which we can use later in our lives. I think we record only the truth about us, and forget thousand of lies we tell, live or believe at one moment in time.

Do you know someone who can control the memory records like she/he can control his/her PC’s memory? I have a new theory created in the middle of the night and during a time when I’m sick of so called friendships, nice people and things. I cannot sleep again.

I believe that we record and we are able to re-play only the things which can talk about the real us, about who we really are. And if we analyze the people’s memories, we can draw a great portrait of who they are and what/who is really important to them.

We recall the great moments which we intensively lived, but we forget the awkward moments in which we pretended to be someone else. We might remember the awkward moments too, but just because in those seconds/minutes/hours something traumatized us, like the grotesque difference between what we wanted to be, and what we were.

I can remember full discussions with the persons I really care about, but I cannot remember a thing from the conversations took 5 minutes ago, if I’m not interested in the person or in the conversation. In other words, I break the chain How are you? – I’m fine. How are you? – Great, and I stop to How are you? – I’m fine. Or Do you want an apple? – No, thanks. I have a stomachache is transformed in Do you want an apple? – No. And if I say NO, please believe me, don’t buzz me anymore. Accept that I don’t care about you, and do not expect me to be polite, because I won’t be (only in some exceptional cases).

But the worst of the worst cases is when in any kind of relationship, you observe that you have a good memory, meanwhile the other cannot recall a thing. Nothing. Not from what you said, but from what she/he said. People who forget everything are empty inside, they are never themselves, they never know who they are and they live constantly in a false present time. I’m sick of these people.

VPT

2009-06-14T22:33:00.007+03:00

For the English version of this article, click here.

Viitorul este mut.

Un cercetator american de 93 de ani construieste orasul viitorului. Si inca din anii ‘70. Jaque Fresco ii aseaza pe oamenii viitorului in cercuri, lanseaza avioane radiant, creeaza masini aerodinamice, genereaza energie prin chestii fotovoltaice, integreaza tehnologia in natura si ne deplaseaza in aparate de zbor VTOL (vertical take-off and landing). Mai mult, viseaza la gradini exuberante si la zone rezidentiale cu case izolate. Vrea sa inlocuiasca actualul sistem social. Si cica filmul Demolatorul, pe care eu nu l-am vazut, a pornit de la ideile sale. Centrul de cercetare si design al lui Jaque este in Florida, iar primul oras experimental ar putea sa fie construit undeva in America de Sud.

Curiosi? Despre viitorul mut, proiectul Venus aici: Beyond politics, poverty and war. Credeti ca oamenii viitorului vor accepta sa traiasca intr-un astfel de oras? Credeti ca acest proiect va reusi? Credeti ca merita sa se investeasca carute de bani intr-un astfel de proiect?

Prezentul e galagios.

Inchid geamul de la masina si ascult in continuare Snow Patrol. Nu pot sa il mai aud pe copilul care imi lipeste de geam un bilet in care imi spune povestea lui de cersetor. Cobor in centru in ritm de clanxoane, vorbesc la telefon in care urlu ca sa fiu auzita, in timp ce in dreapta mea, Mihai de 9 ani imi cere bani de mancare.

Ne plimbam linistiti pe trotuar, in ritm de week-end si de centru, in spatele nostru un copil plange isteric. Parintii se agita sa il calmeze. Inot pe spate, cu urechile in apa, ca sa potolesc zgomotul din jur si sa traiesc linistita prezentul. Pe o terasa izolata ascultam muzica franceza veche, in timp ce de la bar urla un dance-disco-house combination. Ma avant din nou in apa. De data asta, incerc sa inot spre fundul bazinului. De prea multa liniste nu pot respira. Revin, tanti de la autogara canta in microfonul – still anii ‘80 – ca microbuzele si autobuzele vor pleca spre… “la orele 7”, de langa jumatatea de trotuar pe care ea o numeste peron. Plec. Imi pun castile in urechi, ascult Kabaret – Patricia Kaas si citesc Zorro.

Trecutul e o tragedie comica.

Am vazut astazi Nunta Muta a lui Horatiu Malaele. Un prezent plin de vaduve si de lumanari si ruine. Un trecut comic, colorat, dar cu final tragic. Un film devenit mut din cauza regimului comunist, adica din cauza povestii, si nu din cauza unei tehnologii primitive.

Merita vazut.

FPP

2009-06-13T23:13:00.000+03:00

The future is in silent mode.

An American researcher (93 years old!!!) builds the city of the future world, and he has been started in the ‘70s. Jaque Fresco places the future human beings in circles, launches the planes in a radiant way, develops aerodynamic cars, creates energy through photovoltaic things, relates the technology with the nature, and provides VTOL (vertical take-off and landing) flying machines. Moreover, he dreams at beautiful houses with huge and exotic gardens, isolated from neighbors. He wants to replace the current social system with a new one. And I heard that his project inspired the movie Demolition Man (I didn’t see that movie, did you?). Fresco’s lab is placed in Florida, and the first pilot city would be built somewhere in South America. Are you curious? If you want to find more about the silent future, and Venus project, click here: Beyond politics, poverty and war. Do you think that people will accept to live in such a city? Do you think that the project will be a successful one? What do you think, is it fair to invest this huge amount of money in such a project?

The present is on high volume

I close the car’s window and I continue to listen to SnowPatrol. I cannot listen anymore to the child who puts on my window a note with his story as a beggar. I get down from the car in the city, in the horns’ sound, I talk on the phone and I scream so that I can be heard, meanwhile next to me Mihai, who is 9, asks me for money or for food.

We were walking on the street, downtown, in a beautiful week-end. Behind us, a baby screams hysterically. The parents are angry in their effort to calm down the baby. I swim, with my head under the water, to leave the sound behind me and to live quietly the present. In a nice and isolated restaurant we listen to some French old music, meanwhile in the same restaurant, at the bar the people listen to some dance-disco-house combination. I jump again in the water. I try to swim going deeper and deeper in the water. It’s too much silence, I cannot breathe and I come back. The lady from the information office from the bus station sings in the microphone that buses will leave at 7 am, from the almost invisible sidewalk that she officially calls gate. I leave the bus station. I put my headphones on and I listen to Kabaret – Patricia Kaas and read Zorro.

The past is a comic tragedy

I saw today The Silent Wedding directed by Horatiu Malaele. The present is full with widows, candles and ruins. There is a past which is comic, colored, but with a tragic end. The movie is a mute one not because of a bad and primitive technology, but because of the communism. Watch it!

Anti-Lars Von Trier

2009-06-07T00:34:00.016+03:00

Iesind de la Antichrist, am spus cu voce tare si cu o oarecare furie rationala: Nu mai vreau sa vad niciun film de al lui. Si nici nu am sa mai merg la vreun film Von Trier. M-am pregatit psihic, am stiut ca va fi dur, dar nebunia regizorului, de data aceasta, a depasit limita.

Ca spectator m-am simtit agasata, fara vreun scop. Daca in celelalte filme ale lui, vazute de mine, vedeam unde vrea sa ma duca si de unde vroia sa ma faca sa ma intorc un alt om - cu sentimente mai multe, mai variate, cu limite si momente depasite - de data asta nu i-a mai mers cu mine. Refuz sa mai caut explicatii, sa inteleg mesajul filmului, imi accept limitele psihice si spun ca pentru mine e prea mult si fara sens.

Ii recunosc genialitatea ca regizor, pe care nu si-o pierde, dar refuz sa mai intru in lumea lui care devine din ce in ce mai nebuna, cu fiecare film, doar de dragul de a fi nebun.

Coming out from the theater (I've watched Antichrist, directed by Lars Von Trier), I said with some rational anger in my voice: Never. I don't want to see any of his movies. And I will keep my promise: I will never go to one of Von Trier's movies. Before going to Antichrist, I prepared myself, I knew it will be an emotionally hard movie (as all the others I've seen), but this time the director's madness went beyond any limit.

As a movie watcher I felt emotionally abused, for no reason. If in his other movies I knew that there was a reason for all the "shocks" received - I knew where the director wants me to go, what new feelings I should explore, and what limits I should break - this time he wasn't able to convince me of his other intentions beside madness. I refuse to look for explanations, reasons. I refuse to understand the movie's message. I accept my psychological limits and I say it's too much for me and it doesn't make sense.

I recognize Von Trier is a genius, and he remains a genius for me, but I refuse to enter in his world anymore, a world which is crazier than ever, only for the sake of being crazy.

Home - stop thinking about money, and start thinking about your life

2009-06-05T22:44:00.005+03:00

Home - watch this incredible documentary and change your way of thinking and action! :) It's the first documentary / material / movie I see that presents the links between pollution and poverty, and provides the whole picture, with causes and effects, of our own home destruction which happens "faster and faster". We have only 10 years left to change the way in which we developed ourselves and this world in which we live. After 10 years there will be no way back.

The producer Luc Besson has released the new documentary online entirely for free. It is available on youtube till June 14th. Watch it, at least for the breathtaking images!

Here is the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqxENMKaeCU

Garapa

2009-06-04T23:54:00.006+03:00

For the English version of this article, click here.

Apa fiarta cu zahar. Asta e hrana de fiecare zi a copiilor din satele sau suburbiile sarace din Brazilia. Nu m-a socat nimic din acest documentar - Garapa. Modul de viata, mentalitatea familiilor, preocuparile lor seamana perfect cu cele ale familiilor din Romania care traiesc in saracie.

Am invatat inca o data ca saracia este la fel peste tot in lume. Oamenilor le e foame, copiii sunt bolnavi, dezbracati, nu au parte de scoala. Adultii nu gasesc de munca, cu totii traiesc in case mizere, nu au apa, imbracaminte. Alcoolism, dependenta de tutun, boli venerice, hepatita, infractionalitate sunt doar cateva dintre problemele care se repeta comunitate cu comunitate.

Ce am invatat nou? Cu burtile lipite de spate, oamenii nu fac nicio legatura directa dintre situatia in care se afla si faptele lor. Sunt saraci si rabda foame pentru ca nu ploua, pentru ca Dumnezeu vrea (“God gives”), pentru ca nu sunt locuri de munca, pentru ca orasul este departe, pentru ca statul nu le da nimic, pentru ca nu au acte. Si au dreptate. Solutiile care i-ar putea scoate din saracie ii depasesc. Si de ce i-ar asculta pe altii? De ce ar crede in cei care ii condamna sau dispretuiesc?

Nu sunt educati, nu au avut modelele potrivite pe care sa le urmeze si de la care sa invete, nu au resursele si puterea necesara sa treaca peste barierele pe care le vad la tot pasul. Lumea se uita urat la ei si in urma cu mai putin de un secol unii doreau sa ii extermine de dragul speciei umane si al teoriilor adunate in “eugenics”.

Aduna frustrare sau se resemneaza sa manance cat de cat normal 12 zile din 30. Tac, inchid ochii si intorc spatele copilului care plange de durere de dinti, pentru ca nu au ce sa ii faca – bani de medicamente nu sunt, orasul e departe, doctorul costa. Nu e nimic de facut. O sa treaca. Copilul sa va lupta singur cu durerea, cu boala, cu foamea. Cei ce pierd aceste lupte mor si mor in jur de 16.000 pe zi in intreaga lume.

Imagine: Alexandre Lima

Garapa in Brazil and anywhere in the world

2009-06-04T23:38:00.002+03:00

Boiled water with sugar. That’s the main meal of the children living in poor villages or suburbs from Brazil. Nothing shocked me in this documentary – Garapa. Their way of living, their mentality, their habits are very similar with those of the Romanian families living in poverty.

Once again, I learned that the poverty is the same wherever you go in this world. People are hungry, the kids are sick, undressed and they don’t go to school. Their parents have no job, they live in dirty houses. Drugs and alcohol addictions, STDs, hepatitis, crimes are only some of the problems that affect every single poor community.

What did I find out? With the hunger in their bones, these people don’t make any connection between their actions and the situation they are living in. They are poor and hungry because: there is no rain, “God gives”, the government doesn’t help them, the city is far away, there are no jobs for them, they don’t have IDs. And they are right. They are not able to see any solution for themselves. And why would they listen to others? Why would they trust people who judge or hate them?

They have no education, they had no positive adult models in their childhood, they don’t have enough power and resource to cope with their problems. Besides these, people living around treat them bad, and just one century ago others were making plans to exterminate them, in order to clean the society and put in practice “eugenics” theories.

These poor people get frustrated or resign, eating normally only 12 days out of 30. They close their eyes, and turn their back to their own child when this one is crying because his/her teeth hurt. There is no money for medicine drugs, the city is far away, and the doctor is expensive. There is nothing they can do for him/her. He/she has to deal with the pain, the illness or the hunger alone. Those who lose these every day battles are dying, and every day, around the world, 16,000 children are defeated.

Image credit: Alexandre Lima

Trifoi cu patru foi rupte

2009-06-02T18:28:00.002+03:00

For the English version of this article, click here.

Niciodata nu am spus-o cu voce tare, dar sunt o norocoasa. De obicei, tramvaiul pleaca din statie chiar in fata mea si ploua aproape de fiecare data cand ma imbrac in alb. Apoi, in momente unice, de maxima importanta sau prestanta, se intampla ceva minunat precum cazutul intr-o balega uriasa de vaca (nu e doar o metafora, chiar am cazut) sau datul cu nasul de asfalt - si pe asta am patit-o.

O parte din deciziile importante din viata mea le-am luat urmandu-mi acest noroc chior demonstrat mai sus. Adica, in momentele de cumpana, chiar am avut noroc. Si am urmat “semnele” care mi-au intarit deciziile, pe care poate le luasem deja, sau mi-au adus aminte cine sunt, unde ma duc, ce vreau, cum zambesc, cum privesc, cum glumesc/ironizez, cum gandesc si ce visez.

Acum aproximativ un an, am intalnit, pura coincidenta, in autobuzul New York-Philadelphia, cel mai interesant si destept barbat roman de pana atunci. In trei ore de calatorie, am vorbit ca si cum ne-am fi cunoscut de o viata. Fara intentie si fara urma de banuiala, Oscar din Tecuci angajat in Manhattan, mi-a intors viata pe dos si m-a adus in trei ore de calatorie acolo unde un psiholog bun m-ar fi adus in 2 ani de terapie de canapea. A fost prima mea vizita in New York, care a inceput cu un… accident de masina. Si accidentul ne-a tinut in loc, noroc ca am intarziat, ca sa intarziem si sa prindem ultimul autobuz in care aparea Oscar.

Dupa un an, recunosc un moment de mari intrebari care se tot intind, repeta, reformuleaza de ceva vreme si care culmineaza cu: merita sa mai traiesti in Romania asta unde “nimic nu mere bine, tati fura?”; esti fericit(a) in Romania? Raspunsurile sunt din ce in ce mai grele, chiar mai grele decat realitatea. Dar cum sunt o norocoasa, ieri am primit o palma (acum asta e doar o metafora).

Un punct de vedere la care nu m-am gandit nicio clipa: de fiecare data, cand eu ma plang de Romania, jignesc pe cineva pe care il respect pentru munca si ideile sale, pe acel om care se lupta in continuare sa schimbe tara asta in ceea ce ne-am dori noi toti sa fie. Il jignesc pe acel om care doarme putin si se plange si mai putin sau chiar deloc, munceste mult si care chiar a reusit sa schimbe lucruri si oameni in ultimii ani. Multumesc unui alt roman extrem de interesant si destept (si arogant, ca sa il citez), pe care l-am intalnit de curand. Mi-a adus aminte de cum gandeam acum doi ani si de “Emigratia-n fata-verso” si de atunci, surprinzator, Romania a evoluat. Deci, de ce ma plang? De un progres? Si nu, de data asta, nu am facut niciun accident, dar tot am avut un mic ghinion.

Bonus: Cum stiu ca am intalnit o persoana interesanta? Simplu: incep sa ma balbai, sa spun tampenii, sa inteleg tot mai putin din ceea ce imi spune, sa transform orice lucru interesant din viata mea in cea mai naspa experienta, sa ma impiedic, sa dau semne de blonda, sa umblu in balerini ca intr-o pereche de pantofi cu tocurile rupte, sa scap lucruri pe jos, sa fac ochii mari de incantare, sa raman muta de uimire si fara argumente. Si atunci stiu ca omul din fata mea e imprevizibil ca un film foarte bun si ca merita toata atentia mea.

Lucky bloody clover

2009-06-01T18:24:00.000+03:00

I never really recognized it, but I’m a lucky person. Usually, I miss all the buses, and it rains when I’m dressed in white. Then in the most important and formal moments, something bad happened, like I slip on caw’s shit or simply on the street (both happened).

I made some of my life’s decisions following this good luck proved above. I was really lucky in the most difficult moments of my life. I followed the “signs” which supported my decisions or which reminded me who I am, where I go, what I want, how I smile, how I think, laugh or what I dream about.

Approximately, one year ago, I met, by coincidence, the most interesting and intelligent Romanian man I ever met till then, in the New York-Philadelphia bus. We talked three hours like we knew each other for a long time. Without any intention and without knowing, Oscar from Tecuci working in Manhattan put my life upside down and helped me in three hours in a way that a psychologist would have helped me in two years of hard work on her/his couch. It was my first visit to New York which started with a… car crash. The crush made us to be late, and lucky we were late and we caught the last bus… also caught by Oscar.

After one year, it’s the moment of hard questions such us: is it worthy to live in Romania where nothing goes well and everyone steals? are you happy in Romania? The answers are hard to give and these are harder than reality sometimes. As I’m a lucky person, if you remember, yesterday I was slapped (it didn’t happen, it’s just a metaphor).

I was slapped with a point of view that I never thought about: every time I complain about Romania I hurt someone with my words and attitude. This someone is a man whose ideas and actions I respect, he is the man who still fights to change this country in a way that all of us want. I hurt the man who sleeps few hours per night, complains almost never, works a lot and who succeeded to positively change things and people. I have to thank to this extremely interesting and intelligent (and arrogant, to quote him) Romanian man that I met recently. He reminded me how I was thinking two years ago and, surprisingly, Romania made a lot of progress in these last two years. So why do I complain? Am I mad on the progress? This time there was no crash, but I did have a small accident.

Bonus: How do I know that there is an interesting person in front of me? That’s simple: I start to lose my words, to say stupid things, to understand little from what she/he says, to transform every interesting thing of my life in the most boring one, to act as a blonde, to walk in a funny way, to look as a hypnotized person, and in the end I’m mute. And then I know that the person who is in front of me is unpredictable like a good movie and he/she deserves all my attention.

Criza-n V(ant). Mugur vs. Joseph

2009-05-22T08:51:00.004+03:00

Dati sfoara in tara, scrieti pe facebook, rulati pe twitter: Romania isi revine din criza. De ce? Cum? Simplu. La noi criza a fost (deja putem spune ca a fost) in forma de V. Cu alte cuvinte, am dat repede cu capul de fundul bazinului, dar ne ridicam la fel de repede la suprafata. Si pana la sfarsitul anului o sa iesim pe plus.

Intre timp, tari mai mari, mai tari, lideri globali inoata fara aer pe fundul negru al oceanului financiar. Faliment dupa faliment, ultimul s-a produs in raiul din Florida. In tarile astea, in general "unite", oamenii (ghinion! a trecut pisica neagra!) traiesc o criza de lunga durata. Si criza lor nu ne ajunge pe noi. Nu, nu... noi il avem pe Mugur - un specialist plin de optimism - si un guvern si o piata financiara cum rar mai gasesti. Masurile anti-criza au fost rapide, bine gandite si am avut bani pusi la ciorap.

Numai ca un laureat nobel in economie si specialist cu experienta, clar-vazator al crizei (un Joseph), spune ca criza va fi de luuunga durata si nu numai in tarile alea unite. Si clar, dar foarte clar si limpede nu e in forma de V. Dar din politete, cu mult tact si cu un zambet fortat, ne spune noua romanilor si altor oameni din economii slab dezvoltate ca poate-poate nu ne va fi asa de greu, cum economia noastra era deja destul de aproape de fundul bazinului. Adica n-am cazut de sus. Incurajator.

Man's world

2009-05-14T16:25:00.002+03:00

"barbatii nu faceau nimic, doar stateau de vorba la cafenea. Magari, camile, autobuze..." (foarte subtila si ironica Isabel Allende) ;)) / "the men were doing nothing, except chatting and drinking coffee. Donkeys, camels, buses..." (Isabel Allende seems to be very ironic and smart in writting) ;))

O afacere profitabila ce trebuie oprita de consumatori

2009-04-26T00:15:00.001+03:00

Afacerile cele mai necurate si cele mai profitabile nu sunt nici cele cu arme si nici cele cu droguri. Fiinta umana traficata pare sa devina afacerea viitorului pentru organizatiile criminale. Cateva grame de cocaina se vand si se consuma o singura data, femeia sau copilul traficat se vinde de cateva ori pe zi si poate la nesfarsit sau pana la sfarsitul vietii lor – mor in chinuri sau reusesc sa se sinucida.

27 milioane de oameni sunt traficati pentru munca fortata sau pentru sex in fiecare an. 80% dintre victime sunt femei, mai bine de jumatate dintre cei traficati sunt copii. De obicei, victimelor li se promite un “dus” de bunastare, fericire, vise ce pot deveni realitate. Sunt prostite, luate de pe strada sau vandute de cei in care aveau cea mai mare incredere – parinti sau rude sau prieteni apropiati. Se simt vinovate ca au crezut in cineva sau ca au visat. Cu cutitul la gat in fiecare zi, vandute de 10-20 de ori pe zi, brutalizate de stapani si clienti, nu se mai simt oameni. Se supun, pentru ca cei care le controleaza ii controleaza si pe cei dragi lor sau pentru ca spera ca suferinta lor nu poate dura la nesfarsit si vor doar sa supravietuiasca.

Mor. Si daca nu mor, cum va fi viata lor dupa aceea? Atunci cand se arunca de la etajul unui hotel de cartier prost faimat si sunt gasite moarte pe strada fara acte si imbracate provocator – asa cum le-au obligat “stapanii” – sunt tratate ca prostituate, cadavre pe care nu le revendica nimeni. Atunci cand reusesc sa fie salvate, nu primesc mai multa consideratie, iar compasiunea nu le ajuta. Ce ai putea sa le spui? Ce ai putea schimba in acel moment? Nimic.

Cand nu ne place un produs, nu-l mai cumparam. Ar fi capabili consumatorii de fiinte traficate sa renunte sa le cumpere si/sau consume? Daca am reusi sa privim acest subiect ca un subiect de economie internationala, ca o piata cu cerere si oferta, asa cum o fac organizatiile criminale, ne-am concentra nu doar pe “stapani”, pe cei care vand, cat si pe cei care cumpara – clientii. Ei trebuie opriti.

Mapendo

2009-04-20T09:44:00.001+02:00

Few days ago I started to read Paula by Isabel Allende. Yesterday evening I found this speech where she “tells tales of passion” – passion that makes people to change themselves and the world.

It’s also a speech about… women. I learned that saying “it’s not fair!” is not enough, and you have to find “mapendo” – the great love or passion that helps you make a difference.

Revolutie sau tacere democratica?

2009-04-18T08:10:00.001+02:00

For the English version of this article, click here

Daca maine creierul vostru ar organiza alegeri ce ati vota?

a) Sa vorbesc si sa nu ma gandesc la NIMIC

b) Sa ma gandesc si sa nu vorbesc NIMIC

c) NIMIC

Tanjesc dupa discutii interesante care sa ma scoata din maruntisurile discutiilor despre pantofi cu nasturi. Ultimele idei extraordinare, puse in discursuri simple si inteligente, le-am auzit / impartasit in urma cu trei luni. Una dintre discutii, care a durat cateva ceasuri - mutate dintr-un restaurant intr-o cafenea si apoi pe strada - era despre cum sa ajuti oamenii care traiesc in saracie sau tari “in curs de dezvoltare” fara sa ii/le umilesti. A doua a fost un schimb de emailuri despre filmul The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. De atunci, nu imi aduc aminte nicio alta idee sau conversatie care sa imi zdruncine neuronii.

Ma simt ca un fumator care nu a mai fumat demult, iar atunci cand pune intre buze prima tigara tremura, scapa bricheta, se arde si tuseste inecandu-se cu extaz. Cand gasesc omul potrivit, cel cu care altadata aveam discutiile cele mai interesante, ma pierd si il pierd intre greseli de copil care invata sa vorbeasca.

In ultima saptamana insa mi-am hranit creierul cu discursuri de pe www.TED.com/talks. Ma uit la trei-patru discursuri in fiecare seara si apoi pot sa dorm linistita. Mi-am luat drogul care ma ajuta sa rezist o zi intreaga in discutii care, in mintea mea, se incheie intotdeauna cu “bla, bla, bla” sau sa tac gandind si regandind ideile care imi fac ochii sa sclipeasca a multumire.

Aici aveti unul din discursurile hranitoare, fara E-uri sau coloranti artificiali (a fost greu de ales unul cum toate pe care le-am vazut pana acum mi s-au parut foarte bune):

Revolution or democratic silence?

2009-04-18T00:04:00.000+02:00

If tomorrow your brain organizes elections what will you vote for?

a) I want to talk and think about NOTHING

b) I want to think and talk about NOTHING

c) NOTHING

I miss interesting discussions/meetings as much as I miss heaven. I want these to get me out from daily talks about shoes with buttons. I heard or shared the last good ideas, put in simple and wise speeches, three months ago. An eternity. There are two talks I can clearly remember from this period of time: one was about how we can help people living in poverty or country less developed without humiliating them – I spent couple of hours at lunch, in a cafe and then on the street talking about this issue with one of my friends; the other one took place online, using emails, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was the main topic. Since then I cannot remember any other extraordinary idea which could “shock” my neurons during an interesting conversation.

I feel like a smoker who didn’t smoke for a while and when s/he touches the first cigar with his/her lips, s/he shivers, drops the lighter, burns his/her fingers and coughs because of too much pleasure. When I find the right man for an interesting talk, even if I have something good to say, I lose myself and lose him/her too.

But in the last week, I tried to feed my brain with speeches from www.TED.com/talks. I watch three to four speeches every night and then I can sleep like a baby. It’s like taking some pills that help me to survive 24 hours of those small talks which end, in my mind, with the common “bla, bla, bla”. Or I can stay in silence all day long and I can think about the TED ideas and my ideas which make my eyes to glow in a thankful and peaceful way.

Here is a sample of a nurture speech that has no artificial ingredient (it was very hard to pick one, as all the speeches I watched were great):

Despre Auschwitz si alte "calitati" umane

2009-04-11T15:43:00.008+02:00

For the English version of this article click here

Cel mai bun mod de a te ascunde e sa fii prezent peste tot, dar totusi sa nu stai niciunde prea mult timp, incat sa fii recunoscut, cunoscut sau dat in vileag.

Am vazut aseara din nou The reader. (De o vreme, vad prea multe filme de mai multe ori, desi nu imi place acest lucru. Chiar aveam o "regula" sa nu pierd vremea cu cititul unei carti de doua ori sau cu vazutul unui film de mai multe ori). Nu s-a intamplat nimic diferit fata de prima vizionare. Nu radeti, ca stiu si eu ca nici "la reluare" nu se da gol. Ce vreau sa spun este ca am observat aceleasi lucruri, nimic nou. Asta e primul indiciu ca nu e neaparat un film extraordinar.

Totusi e un film greu, care se zbate intre moralitate, lege, iubire si drama si care nu te lasa sa iei o decizie finala unica. Daca ar fi sa sacrifici filmul de dragul fiecarui personaj, scenariul s-ar schimba pentru fiecare dintre personajele principale. Acest lucru este valabil pentru orice film, dar aici e mai evident decat in oricare altul vazut de mine pana acum si, ca si privitor, mi-am dorit sa am un singur unghi din care sa ma uit si sa judec stramb, pentru un oarecare confort emotional. Oricum, pana la urma am ales. Am lasat individul si legea deoparte si sustin moralitatea si binele comun.

Nu pot sa mint si sa ascund o oarecare admiratie care mi-a fost starnita si de film si de vizita mea din toamna de la Auschwitz: admiratie pentru calitatea muncii, pentru organizarea extraordinara a nemtilor si pentru indarjirea lor in urmarirea obiectivelor. Si daca stim atat de multe despre ceea ce s-a intamplat in lagare e posibil, in mare parte, datorita acestor "calitati". Pe de alta parte, ma sperie cum aceste "calitati" au fost folosite pentru eficienta industriei de omorat oameni.

Lectiile invatate si din acest film si din vizita din toamna sunt: viata nu poate fi privita in alb si negru (aceasta e in primul rand "reala" si de cele mai multe ori gri); supravietuirea multora, si a victimelor si a calailor, se datoreaza momentelor "roz" din viata - acelor momente tinute in cutiute pictate marunt si dosite departe de ochii tuturor celor din jurul tau. Nimeni nu e de incredere. "Victime" sau "calai" devin inamicii tai, doar pentru ca pretuiesc viata si "cutiuta" lor mai mult decat pe tine sau orice prietenie/relatie "profunda".

Si lagarele nu au facut decat sa scoata in evidenta aceste caracteristici ale fiintei umane mediocre. Acest tip de fiinta ar raspunde la intrebarea ofiterului SS-ist adresata judecatorului "tu ce ai fi facut in locul meu?": "la fel ca tine". Cati dintre noi pot sa spuna ca in conditii similare ar reactiona moral si nu s-ar supune autoritatii sau instinctelor de supravietuire? Cati dintre noi ar rezista instinctelor de supravietuire cand isi controleaza cu greu instincte/hormoni mult mai usor de controlat? Cati dintre noi ar rezista torturii fizice sau psihice? Cati dintre noi ar rezista presiunii autoritatii? Cati dintre noi ar rezista foamei? Cati dintre noi nu si-ar dori moartea? 10%? Ati fi printre cei 10%?

Ca sa citez un personaj din film, lagarele nu au fost universitati unde oamenii au invatat cum sa supravietuiasca. Din lagare nu iese nimic, spune victima, iar eu adaug ca totusi iese durerea care spala tot pe dinauntru si te lasa apoi gol.

M-am dus la Auschwitz din intamplare si multumita unei dragi prietene. Am intrat in lagar, seara tarziu. Ploua si trageam o geanta mica dupa mine prin balti. Mi s-a parut sinistru. Am dormit in fostele birouri SS-iste si mi-era groaza sa deschid geamul care dadea spre "baraci". Asta pana in prima zi, cand mi-am dat seama ca acolo e multa durere si ca studiam o masina de ucis oameni. Am vrut sa invat cum sa supravietuiesc si n-am reusit decat sa uit complet de mine si de cei dragi pentru trei zile. Lagarul e plin de povesti si durere. Nu pleci cu nimic mai mult. Tot nu stii cum sa supravietuiesti si tot nu stii cum ai fi reactionat in locul victimelor sau chiar al calailor.

About Auschwitz and other human "qualities"

2009-04-11T14:44:00.009+02:00

The best way to hide is to be everywhere, but still do not spend too much time in any place, you do not want to be recognized, known or denounced.

I saw again The reader last night. (I started to watch too many movies for more than once, even if I don't like this thing. I even had a rule not to lose my time re-reading a book or re-watching a movie). Nothing happened differently. It was the same movie. Don't laugh, I know that it should be like that. What I want to say is that I didn't observe anything new. That's the first sign that the movie is not so good.

But still it's a hard movie that struggles with morality, law, love and drama and which does not allow you to make any final and unique decision. If you had to sacrifice the movie for the well-being of each character, then you would have changed the script for every single main character. Maybe this could happen with any movie, but I believe that this issue is more obvious for this movie than for any other movie I saw until now. As a movie-watcher, I wanted, more than ever, to be able to use only one angle, one point of view in understanding the story... for my emotional comfort. Anyway, in the end I chose to leave out the individual story and the law and to support the morality and the well-being of the human society.

Moreover, I cannot lie and I cannot hide my "admiration" for the Germans involved in the camps work: they were very well organized, their work was high-quality, and they were focused and firm on their objectives. This admiration appeared in my mind during my visit to Auschwitz from last autumn and I felt guilty for it. But we are able to learn so many things about the Nazi camps, because these "workers" had all these "qualities" I mentioned. At the same time, I was and I am terrified to find out how these "qualities" were used for the efficiency of a killing-people industry.

The lessons I learned from the movie and from my visit: life is not "white" or "black", it is real and most of the time it is "gray"; most of the victims or SS men survived in these camps because of the "pink" moments from their lives - moments crowded in a small painted tea caddy hidden from everyone. Nobody could be trusted. Victims or guards are your enemy, just because they might value their live and their painted tea caddy more than you or your friendship/"strong" relationship.

The Nazi camps only made these "characteristics" of mediocre human beings more obvious. This non-entity, this mediocre human being would have had a simple answer - "I would have done the same" - to the SS man's question "what would you have done if you had been in my place?". How many of us can say that in similar conditions we would have reacted in a moral way and we would have refused to obey the authority or our survival instincts? How many of us would have resisted to our survival instincts, when, now, we cannot resist to other instincts/hormones which are easier to manage? How many of us would have resisted to physical or psychological torture? How many of us would have resisted starvation? How many of us would have not wished for our death? 10%? Would you be one of these 10%?

I will quote one of the movie character: the Nazi camps were not Universities where people learned how to survive. From these camps nothing can come out, says the victim, and I will add that only pain comes out from the camps. This pain washes everything inside you and then leaves you empty.

I went to Auschwitz by coincidence and thanks to one of my dear friend. I entered in the camp late in the evening. It was raining and I was carrying a small bag through the rain water. It was dreary. I slept in one of the ex-offices of the SS men and I was afraid to open the window and to observes the barracks during the night. Then I realized that there is a lot of pain and I was studying a killing-people machine. I wanted to learn how to survive and I only succeeded to forget completely about me and my dear family and friends for three days. The camp is full with stories and pain. You cannot get more than that, and that is more than enough. You cannot learn how to survive and you cannot find yourself and learn how you would have reacted if you had been a victim or a SS guard.

Look right, look left

2009-03-29T22:37:00.009+02:00

... and enjoy the space between right and left. That's London for me. I'm not in the "right" mood to describe my "left" impression on London or on my trip. I'm still in the space between right and left. Enjoy these pictures:

If you want more pictures from London, click here: http://picasaweb.google.com/beudean/Londra#

Ce se intampla, doctore? (partea a doua)

2009-03-22T22:28:00.003+02:00

For the English version of this article, click here.

"The talks may seem high-minded and maybe even irrelevant to the person in the street: nothing could be farther from the truth. This summit has to start to lay a creative map for the world ahead.

Past economic collapses have one particularly unfortunate consequence - they often end in conflict, in war. It would be welcome if this time, human beings could crack that model."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7907780.stm

Da, v-ati prins, este vorba despre viitorul summit-ul G20 din Londra, din 2 aprilie, cel pe care eu il astept inca de la articolul "What's up doc?". Atunci eram foarte revoltata ca cei 20 de lideri mondiali nu se misca destul de repede si nici nu prea stiu ce sa faca si... asteapta.

Discutiile astea ale lor poate ca sunt irelevante pentru salariul meu si al celorlalti, dar mi-e teama ca cei 20 de lideri o sa uite de niste lucruri extrem de importante. Poate ati auzit de bancul ong-istilor cu acei copii aruncati in rau a carui morala era ca trebuie oprita acea persoana care arunca pruncii si nu sa tot sara cate un ong-ist dupa fiecare copil aruncat in rau, sa il salveze. Acum mi-e teama ca, in timp cei 20 de lideri cauta "ucigasul de copii" si gandesc strategii care sa impiedice alti oameni sa arunce copiii in rau, tot ei o sa uite de "copiii" care sunt deja in rau sau chiar de raul poluat. Adica o sa lase pe ultimul plan saracia globala care se adanceste, mediul care se murdareste tot mai tare, resursele care se scurg si nevoia de a "inventa" constant a omenirii.

Pe de alta parte, imi place atitudinea pe care o adopta, exact contrara crizei anilor '20-'30. Cel putin tarile UE vor sa lupte impotriva protectionismului si sustin ca criza trebuie rezolvata prin planuri globale bazate pe incredere si cooperare. Acum, pot sa spuna una si sa faca alta, desi nu prea cred ca au incotro si musai sa faca ceea ce spun.

SUA, Franta si tarile din Asia de Est nu prea sunt de acord si vor protectionism national si si-au cam facut de cap, daca nu ele ca tara, atunci companiile lor. Insa chiar daca acestea adopta o politica de protectie a economiilor nationale, cati consumatori "globali" vor alege sa cumpere un produs doar pentru ca asa ar incuraja economia nationala ??? Stiu ca nu e vorba doar de consum, ci si de productie, de importuri si exporturi, dar nu cred ca se mai poate pune stavila globalizarii, atata vreme cat aceasta a devenit extrem de accesibila la nivel individual, iar intermediarii - cei care ar putea initia regulile jocului - au disparut sau sunt pe cale de disparitie. Ce o sa faca? Ne taie Internetul? Ne confisca telefoanele? Opresc televiziunile? Distrug avioanele? Inchid granitele? Sau le scumpesc pe toate?

What's up, doc? (2nd episode)

2009-03-22T20:55:00.005+02:00

"The talks may seem high-minded and maybe even irrelevant to the person in the street: nothing could be farther from the truth. This summit has to start to lay a creative map for the world ahead.

Past economic collapses have one particularly unfortunate consequence - they often end in conflict, in war. It would be welcome if this time, human beings could crack that model."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7907780.stm

Yes, you got it. I want to talk about G20 summit from London (April 2nd), the summit that I'm waiting for since "What's up, doc?" article. At that time I was mad that the 20 leaders don't work fast enough, they don't really know what to do and they just... wait.

Their meetings and discussions may not be relevant for my income or others' income, but I'm afraid that those leaders will forget some really important things in this process of getting the world out of the financial crisis. Maybe you heard the nonprofit joke/story with those babies thrown into the river. The conclusion of the story is that it is better to catch the one who throws the babies into the water than to wait for babies on the river and save them.

I'm afraid that while these leaders will look for "the babies killer" and build strategies to prevent any other incident like this one, the same leaders will forget about the babies who are already into the water or about the river which is strongly polluted. In other words, they might forget about the global poverty which is getting worse, the environment which is dirtier and dirtier, about the resources which are less and less, and about the constant human need for inventing and re-inventing itself.

On the other side, I like the new attitude which seems to be the opposite of the one from '20s-'30s crisis. At least, it seems like the EU countries are decided to fight against national protectionism and they suggest that the financial crisis must be solved through global plans based on trust and cooperation. Now, they can "talk" this, but they can "walk" it differently. I hope and believe that they cannot do it in another way - they have to stay globally.

USA, France and East Asia don't really agree the previous idea and they took some actions and established some protectionist rules. But even so, how many "global" consumers will change their habits/tastes only to support the national economy? I know that it's not everything about consuming, that it is also about imports, exports, production, etc. But still I do not think that we can stop the globalization, as it is already "on the street", and it's working not only for countries, governments and companies, but also for individuals. What will "they"(the powerful leaders) do? They will cut the Internet? They will take our phones? They will stop the TV channels? They will destroy the planes? They will close the borders? They will increase the prices for all these "networking" and "communication" global services?

Taxi-ul vietii!

2009-03-07T23:21:00.005+02:00

For the English version of this article click here.

Am iesit in ploaie vorbind inca de Benjamin Button. Eram convinsa ca o sa le placa. E un film care nu le place multora, unii au parasit sala, iar altii au rezistat pana la sfarsit cu un popcorn mare sau sarutandu-si iubitele/iubitii mai des si mai lung. Eu mi-am retrait viata, si pe cea viitoare si sunt curioasa "what comes next". Nu stiu daca tine de momentul vietii, de ochelarii pe care ii porti, de agitatia in care te invarti, de luminita pe care nu o vezi, de nesiguranta pe care o ai, de certitudinea din urechi, de adancimea ochilor sau doar de rabdare... dar filmul poate fi cel mai bun film pe care l-ai vazut vreodata, daca e sa fie asa, daca nu let it go.

Si am iesit in ploaie. Si m-am uitat ce taxi sa iau spre casa. Alb sau rosu (poate ultimul taxi rosu din Cluj si care ar fi trebuit sa imi sara in ochi, ca sa il aleg). Am ezitat si m-am urcat destul de rapid in cel alb. Am inghitit o replica despre vremea "de facut copii si numarat banii" si am tacut. Ma uitam pe geam si ma gandeam la film si la viata... Nu conta traseul, soferul stia strada.

Simt gropile din ce in ce mai tare, apa se aude tot mai puternic si imi simt picioarele vulnerabile la gandul ca s-ar putea zdrobi de scaunul din fata mea. Ma trezesc si ma uit repede la indicatorul de kilometri: 100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow. Luminile de afara arata din ce in ce mai bine... pe linia de tramvai zburam. Imi trece prin minte sa ii spun soferului sa incetineasca, pentru ca nu ma simt in siguranta. Nu. Lasa-l. Nu mai e mult. Ma calmez. 80 - in fata semnului de cedeaza trecerea. N-o cedam. Noroc ca nu aveam cui. N-am zis stop, am mers mai departe. M-am gandit la ai mei, m-am gandit la mine, m-am bucurat de lumini, de gropile din asfalt, de linia de tramvai si de geamurile aburite. Am ajuns acasa si am zis un "la revedere" foarte rece, ca si cum nimic nu s-ar fi intamplat. Doar ca am strecurat cam greu cheia in poarta. Din cauza ploii.

Asa... Benjamin Button. Mai bine conduc eu viata asta, cu masina si muzica mea, in ritmul meu.

Life's cab!

2009-03-07T22:48:00.003+02:00

We went out in the rain still talking about Benjamin Button. I knew that they (my friends) would like it. But many people don't like this movie, some left before the first part of the movie, the others stayed counting on popcorn or sweet kisses from their lovers. I re-lived my life (the future life too), and I'm curious "what comes next". This movie may be the best movie of your life, if it has to be like that, if not... let it go. It might depend on the moment of your life, on the glasses you wear, the craziness you live in, the light you cannot see, the lack of confidence you experience, the certainty from your ears, or the depth of your eyes.

And I stepped out in the rain. And I looked for a taxi. White or red. Red was too obvious, so I took the white cab. After a small conversation on the weather, I enjoyed the silence, the road. So I went back to the movie, to my life...

Suddenly, I feel the road more than I should, the water's sound is stronger and stronger, and I feel my legs more vulnerable... I might lose them in a car crash. I wake up and look to the speed indicator: 100!!!!!! Wow. The outside lights look better and better, we almost fly on the tram line. I should tell the drive to stop, 'cause I don't feel safe, but... no. I should be home in less than one minute. I calm down. We enter a crossroads with 80 km/h. I don't say anything. I think about my parents, about me, and I enjoy the lights, the road, the tram line, the steamed windows. I get home and I say a cold "bye" as nothing happened. But I could hardly open the door... because of the rain.

So... Benjamin Button. It's better to drive my own life, with my own car and music, in my own rythm.

Doua ganduri si o privire

2009-03-01T22:51:00.006+02:00

For the English version of this article click here.

Avem un tramvai nou in oras. Seamana cu cele vechi, dar e alb cu niste dungi in diagonala si ascunse, dar verzi. Si fiind asa de alb, intr-un oras din ce in ce mai gri, atrage atentia. Cum calatoresc zi de zi cu tramvaiul, exceptand zilele in care Sf. Chevrolet poate fi scos de sub racla, toata lumea pe care nu o cunoasteti voi ma intreaba cum e noul tramvai. Ridic din umeri si zic ca nu stiu. Si spun adevarul. Alaltaieri s-a stricat cu 50 de metri inainte de a ajunge in statia in care il asteptam eu. Asa ca am mers pe jos, lasand in urma albul tramvaiului si luand praful la picior.

Si uite asa v-am spus ce nu am vrut sa va spun. In timp ce scriam cele de mai sus, ma gandeam la altceva. Si reusesc sa fac asta tot mai des. Reusesc chiar sa intretin o intreaga conversatie logica, cu intrebari bine gandite si cu raspunsuri pe care le tin minte, gandindu-ma la altceva. Poate si voi faceti la fel, dar pentru mine e un lucru nou. Poate pentru ca se apropie primavara sau imbatranesc sau a inceput sa functioneze un neuron nou. Si asta pentru ca am inceput sa gandesc in povesti si imagini, fara conversatii. Si uite asa ma gandesc la ocean, la prieteni, la intamplari, la zambete, la nervi, la ochi, la miscari, din nou la ochi, la lucruri neintamplate inca. Si se duce conversatia, se rezolva lucrurile. Daca insa partenerii de dialog s-ar uita atenti la mine, cred ca s-ar prinde ca mintea mea e in doua parti deodata. Singura problema este ca uneori imi ies cuvinte ciudate din gura care amesteca cel putin doua ganduri total deosebite.

Sa imi revin? Sau oricum nu conteaza. Ca nu se uita nimeni foarte atent. Cred ca fiecare faceti la fel. V-am prins.

Two thoughts, one look

2009-03-01T22:27:00.004+02:00

There is a new tram in the city. It looks like the others, but it is white with green stripes. And it's white in a gray city, and everyone can see it. As I travel every day by tram (take out the days when I can drive my dad's "Saint" Chevrolet), everyone asks me how the new tram is. I don't know. And I mean it. Two days ago, it broke 50 meters before the stop where it should pick me up. So, I walked dreaming for its "white" and "blessing" the dust.

And I told you what I didn't want to tell you. While I was writing the rows above, I was thinking to something else. It happens very often in the last month. I manage to keep an entire discussion, with good questions and answers I can remember, being with my mind in another place or time. Maybe you do the same, but for me it's something new. It might be from the spring, or it might be that I'm getting old or a new neuron is working. I began to think using images, and stories, without discussions. So, I manage to talk seriously, and to think, at the same time, about the ocean, about friends, eyes, events, smiles, anger, eyes again, hugs, and things that haven't happen yet. And the discussion is over, and the things are solved. If people will look carefully, they would observe that my mind is in at least two places. The only problem is that sometimes I use strange words which combine at least two different thoughts.

Should I change myself? It doesn't really matter. Nobody looks carefully. I think everyone does the same. I caught you.

Criza pe intelesul copiilor

2009-02-09T22:48:00.002+02:00

For the English version of this article click here.

Mama este omul care are cele mai frumoase povesti de la locul de munca. Lucreaza intr-o gradinita. Ce auzi acolo, nu auzi niciunde. Dupa ultimele ei povesti cu personajele mele favorite (am eu cativa copii pe care ii recunosc pe strada numai din povestile lu' mama), criza economica nu numai ca loveste si unde nu te astepti, dar e si din ce in ce mai explicita - pe intelesul copiilor.

Inchipuiti-va un pusti ardelean de trei ani, ajuns dimineata la 7 la gradinita, cu tramvaiul, mai mult adormit decat treaz. Supararea lui trece dincolo de faptul ca tatal a trebuit sa vanda masina si acum vine cu tramvaiul: marea lui problema este bugetul national al Romaniei.

Plimbandu-se de la un capat la altul al salii, gesticuland precum un om mare intra in vorba cu mama: "Angelă, nu stiu ce fac astia cu bugetul, ca nu mai maresc odata salariile. O inghetat tat. Si tata nu vindea masina, daca stia ca ne-om descurca asa de greu. Si eu am acasa un tractor. Da' s-au gatat bateriile. Mi-o zis mama ca nu sunt bani. Si iti dai seama ca imi trebuie nu una, ca doua baterii!"

Explicatii: parintii sunt bugetari si asteapta/spera ca odata cu bugetul se maresc salariile. Si atunci pustiul trage concluzia ca daca bugetul iese pe teava, are si el baterii pentru tractor si poate veni cu masina la gradinita.

Dupa cateva zile, adica azi, subiectul este reluat de acelasi pusti. Intra ingrijitoarea in sala, iar cel mic intreaba: "N-ai vazut nimic la stiri? Ce fac astia cu bugetul?"

In aceeasi zi, la aceeasi gradinita, de grija bugetului sau a altor jocuri si jucarii de criza, copiii nu au somn si, in lipsa educatoarei, in varful paturilor de pitici din Alba-ca-Zapada, fac sedinta.

The crisis explained by kids

2009-02-09T22:12:00.003+02:00

My mom has the most wonderful stories from work. She works in a kindergarten. You cannot imagine what you can hear in such a beautiful place. The last stories from her with my favorite "characters" (I have some favorite kids that I can recognize on the street only using my mom's stories) proved that the economic crisis hits where you don't expect and it is clearer than ever, and it can be understood even by kids.

Imagine a three years old child, in an early morning. He got to the kindergaten by tram, because his father had to sell the car. He is almost sleeping, and sad. His main concern it's not the tram, but the Romania's national budget.

Walking and talking as an old men, tells my mom: "Angela, I don't know what they are doing right now with this budget, 'cause they didn't raise any salary. Everything is frozen. My dad wouldn't have sold the car, if he had known how bad it is. I have at home my own big car [a toy], but the batteries are empty. My mom told me that there is no money for batteries. And I need not just one, but two of them!"

Some explanations: his parents work for government and they are waiting and hoping for a salary increase as soon as the budget will be approved. So the kid concluded that when the budget is done, he can buy the batteries he needs and come to the kindergarten with his car.

After a couple of days, the kid re-discusses the issue: "Did you see the news? Is there anything new about the budget?"

On the same day, in the same kindergarten, the kids cannot sleep because of the budget or other "wonderful" worries. In the top of their small beds, they have an important meeting that looks like a governmental one.

Stay hungry, stay foolish

2009-02-03T21:52:00.002+02:00

Many thanks to my dear friend who sent me this incredible speech.

A new world in my eyes

2009-01-31T23:00:00.006+02:00

For the English version of this article, go a little bit down on this page.

Dupa cum vedeti, ma prostesc din ce in ce mai des. Sunt si eu in concediu si, desi nu am redus volumul de munca, m-am hotarat sa nu ma mai gandesc serios la chestii serioase. Si imi permit sa imi pierd timpul cu filme bune, proaste, muzica noua, veche, discutii interesante sau fara concluzii, ganduri (ne)cuminti sau riscante, plimbari pe jos, cu masina, dans si batut din picioare pe snow patrol, zambete smechere si altele. Si in aceasta pauza mentala imi aduc aminte de unele si altele. Si la ce ma gandesc? Acum? La Depeche Mode pe care doar i-am ascultat pana acum (destul de mult in ultimul an!) si i-am vazut doar intr-un videoclip sau doua. Si gandindu-ma asa, mi-am si facut un "my favorite". Piesa pe care imi place sa dansez cel mai mult si mai mult vine de la ei. Nu risc sa va pun sa ghiciti, ca sigur sunteti posomorati cand sunt eu "neserioasa": "World in my eyes". Dar risc sa pun o intrebare gen www.revistepentrufemei.ro: "daca va place sa dansati, care este piesa favorita pe care ati dansa de una singura?" Pentru domni: "care e piesa care va face sa dati din picioare si mai-mai ca va ridica de pe scaunul ala de la bar?"

As you can see I "play around" more and more. I have some days off from the office. I didn't reduce the work volume, but I decided to think less seriously about serious things. Plus, I can afford to lose time and watch good/bad movies, listen to old/new music, have interesting or "no point" discussions, dirty/clear/risky thoughts, walk, drive, dance on Snow Patrol, smile, etc. Using this mental break, I recall all kind of things. And I think... what do I think? Right now? I think to Depeche Mode. I've listened to their music quite often in the last year, but I saw only one or two of their videos. Thinking about them, I created another "my favorite". So, my favorite song I love to dance on is a Depeche Mode song. I won't risk to ask you to guess the song, 'cause I'm sure that you are not in a good mood like I am. So the song is: "World in My Eyes". But I will ask you a "women magazine" question type. For women: "If you like to dance, what's your favorite song you like to dance on alone?" And for men: "What's the song that makes you jump on the chair and almost makes you leave your chair from the bar?"

You got to spend some time...

2009-01-29T23:21:00.002+02:00

I like this song, even if it talks too much about possession. :) It's about too much love, or desperation, or too much confidence. And it is a looong song, but with a good incremental rhythm... it's like following your love, step by step, sound by sound, getting closer and closer to him/her, and you are waiting for the end - the happy end. But the happy end is not getting there in time, so from too much love, desperation, confidence or craziness you push the fast forward button: "I will possess your heart". At this point the song ends. Usually when the ffw button is pushed the other one runs, probably because 90% of people cannot make the right decision under too much pressure or possession.

Death Cab for Cutie - I will possess your heart

For a better version of the song go here:
http://www.deathcabforcutie.com/audioplayer.php

Women are the future (Thank you, Bono ;) )

2009-01-19T22:45:00.004+02:00

Here is the new U2 single, from the album No Line on the Horizon. It makes me jump, it makes me search for the right rhythm inside me. I'm waiting for the album.

Slumdog Millionaire - two versions

2009-01-17T23:22:00.004+02:00

For the English version of this article click here.

M-a prostit filmul asta rau de tot, pana la ultima secventa. A castigat Globul de Aur, e o poveste interesanta, cu decor nemaivazut in alte filme, intr-o tara unde tocmai am visat ca am fost, cu actori "no name", dar care joaca bine, cu muzica si montaj interesante. O poveste a nimanui, jucata si pusa in scena frumos. Vorbesc despre Slumdog Millionaire.

Finalul insa si-a pus amprenta pe tot filmul. Aveam in fata aceeasi poveste a filmelor indiene "traditionale", cu un el si o ea, predestinati de mici sa fie impreuna, dar care sunt separati la nesfarsit de oamenii rai si de viata care vrea sa ii invete multe. Destinul insa invinge. El nu se lasa si devine erou national, fara sa isi dea seama. Ea se pierde si se readuna, sufera si fuge. Binele invinge, cei doi se intalnesc din nou, caci asa le este "scris". Intre timp, el castiga "Vrei sa fii miliardar" in varianta indiana, pentru ca asa e scris sa castige. Intrebarile si raspunsurile sunt legate profund sau artificial de viata lui.

Si totusi, mi-a placut. Exceptand dansul de final, cel de grup, care da filmul de gol. Il aveti mai jos, dar uitati-va si la film, ca e un film bun (altfel nu as fi scris de el aici, cred).

Slumdog Millionaire - two versions

2009-01-17T23:19:00.002+02:00

This movie fooled me, until the final scene. It won the Golden Globe, and a lot of other awards. It is an interesting story, with "fresh" settings, placed in a country where I was in one of my recent dreams, a movie with "no name" actors who play well, and with very interesting music and montage. It is nobody's story played and composed very well. I'm talking about Slumdog Millionaire.

The final scene "uncovered" the real movie. I found the same Indian story of the "traditional" movies: he meets her when they are kids and it's written for them to be together. But they are constantly separated by evil men and by life which wants to teach them some important things. The destiny wins the war in the end. He becomes a national hero (unintentionally!), and she gets herself together, suffers, and escapes. The good wins, they meet again, 'cause it's written! Meanwhile, he wins the Indian version of "Who wants to be a millionaire", because it's written (of course), it's destiny. The contest's questions and answers are deeply/artificially connected to his own life.

But still I liked the movie, beside the final dance, the group dance which "betrays" the movie. You can watch the final dance above. Watch the movie too, it's still a good movie (I wouldn't have written here about it, if it wasn't like that).

"Let it go"... si ascundeti-o bine in spatele ochilor

2009-01-11T02:15:00.002+02:00

For the English version of this article click here.

The Curios Case of Benjamin Button. Incerc sa ma conving ca a fost doar un film si o poveste inventata. E un film la care te-ai putea uita si invers, de la coada la inceput. Mesajul e acelasi, si banuiesc ca pentru fiecare e diferit.

Nu o sa vorbesc despre film, actori, regie, imagini, poveste, muzica etc. Nu cred ca a fost perfect si nici cel mai bun. E un film despre care nu o sa vorbesc cu toata lumea si nu o sa spun multora ce sentiment mi-a lasat sau la ce m-a facut sa ma gandesc. E al doilea film pe care vreau sa il pastrez pentru mine.

Uitati-va si voi si doar daca aveti ceva important de spus despre el sa imi spuneti. Daca nu, mai bine nu spuneti nimic. Lasati-l sa se termine asa in liniste. Inchideti ochii si mergeti mai departe. Inchideti-l in spatele ochilor. Inchideti-va viata in spatele ochilor.

"Let it go"... lock it behind your eyes

2009-01-11T02:04:00.005+02:00

The Curios Case of Benjamin Button. I try to convince myself that it was only a movie, only a story invented by someone. It's a movie that can be seen on backward too. The message is the same, but different for each of us.

I won't talk about the movie, the actors, the director, pictures, music etc. I don't think it was perfect and it wasn't the best. It's a movie I won't talk about on the streets, with everyone. And there are few people that I will talk with about it, and I will tell them what I felt and I thought watching it. It's the second movie that I want to keep inside me.

Watch it, and only if you think you have something important to say about it, dare to write/tell me what you think. If not, it's better to be quiet. Let it go. Let it end quietly. Shut your eyes and go further. Lock it behind your eyes. Lock your life behind your eyes.

Why not?

2009-01-08T23:21:00.004+02:00

Am gasit clipurile de mai jos pe doua bloguri si le-am furat, pentru ca vreau si eu sa "promovez" ideile din spatele lor. Intr-un fel, cele doua se aseamana. De ce nu am vedea lumea si altfel? De ce nu am incerca si ceva care ni se pare de neincercat?

I found these two videos on other two blogs and I "stole" them, because I wanted to promote these ideas too. These two videos are similar: Why not? Why we shouldn't try to see the world from a different perspective? Why we shouldn't try something that seems impossible to be tried?

www.ayemil.blogspot.com

www.portocalamecanica.ro

Valencia - the city of oranges

2009-01-02T22:55:00.011+02:00

Till I get some time to tell the story of my visit to Valencia, follow this link for pictures:

http://picasaweb.google.com/beudean/Valencia#

Here are my favorites:

I cannot believe that I won't believe in you anymore

2008-12-15T21:57:00.005+02:00

I have this song in my mind for more than two days...

"belief is a beautiful armor
but makes for the heaviest sword
like punching under water
you never can hit who you're trying for"
John Mayer - Belief

I received John Mayer's album from one of my friends (thank you!) last spring. At that moment, I didn't notice this song. But now, now it's the right moment for this song. I feel like punching under water and fighting against my own believes and others' believes and principles.

I have to accept that I cannot change people, people change without my help/influence, I cannot change the world, world is changed by all of us. These are the hardest things to accept, when you have strong believes and you feel strong and confident, and you really think that you can change the world. So, thanks to another good friend, I understood what means: "Just let the time works". I will.

And here is the song (live version):

A Christmas Gift

2008-12-14T15:57:00.003+02:00

U2's cover of Greg Lake's 'I Believe in Father Christmas'. It was launched to promote the new charitable online music magazine (RED)WIRE which supports the fight against global poverty.

J'adore-ul imperfect

2008-12-10T23:27:00.003+02:00

For the English version of this post click here.

Se numea Paris. Filmul. Era cam imprastiat, asa peste tot, in viata fiecaruia, ajungand pana in Camerun. Tot filmul, dar si Parisul. Nu imi placea asa de mult, ca sa il pot lauda sau recomanda. Aici vorbesc doar de film, ca Parisul imi placea si inca imi place. Si mi-am adus aminte de cum era. Era simplu, usor, zburam si ma lasam furata de viata. Nu, nu Parisul era usor, ci asa era, asa ma simteam atunci cand am ajuns acolo.

Filmul nu e foarte complicat si spune doar bucati de poveste. Nu sunt multe de inteles, ci doar de simtit asa, pe loc, si te orientezi. E simplu: nu ne nastem / murim cand vrem, ci doar atunci cand se intampla. Nu e nimic complicat in asta, viata trebuie traita in portii mici, in versiuni din ce in ce mai bune si din ce in ce mai simple si mai umane. Nu iubesti cand vrei, asa la comanda, ci doar atunci cand, pur si simplu, se intampla. Prea multe ganduri strica viata si cheama moartea pe nume, si atunci e mai bine sa stai cu nasul in geam si sa te uiti la trecatori, asa de sus in jos, de pe un balcon de unde vezi... tot Parisul.

The imperfect "J'adore"

2008-12-10T23:15:00.005+02:00

It's name was Paris. The name of the movie. It was all over, in everyone's life, up to Cameroon. The movie and Paris were both everywhere. I didn't like it so much, so I cannot recommend it. Here I talk about the movie, and not about Paris. I loved and love Paris. And I recall how it was. It was simple, easy, I was flying and my life was still able to convince me living it. No, I don't talk about Paris, I talk about what I felt when I was there, in Paris.

The movie is not complicated at all, and it shows only some parts of the story. There are not many things to understand, you just have to feel it and find, right away, the right direction for you. It's easy: we come in this world or die when it happens, not when we want. Nothing is complicate in this, the life should be lived in small portions, in more and more human and simple versions. You don't love when you want, but when it just happens. Too many thoughts ruin the life and call the death on its name. So, it's better to put your nose in the window and watch the people on the street, in a balcony from where you can see the all city - Paris.

Craciunul Copiilor / Children's Christmas

2008-12-03T17:52:00.003+02:00

Eveniment organizat de Fundatia Romana pentru Copii, Comunitate si Familie. / Event organized by the Romanian Foundation for Children, Community and Family.

5-22 decembrie, in Piata Unirii. / December 5th-22nd, Unirii Square.

Mos Craciun va fi si el acolo. / Santa Claus will be there too.

Cu sufletul online

2008-12-01T02:47:00.004+02:00

For the English version of this post click here.

"Îmi ascund sufletul în povești din filme bune și aștept, film de film. Citesc știri, bloguri și aștept cuvânt cu cuvânt. Aștept vești care să îmi spună ce aș spune eu, dacă aș citi veștile care știu că nu vor veni. Sufletul astă nu vrea să înțeleagă și crede că poate bea apă vie din mailuri, posturi, emoticonuri care oricum nu vin.

Mă entuziasmez la orice „bună” și din gheață fac foc viu. Și la naiba, sper! Fiecare nou mail poate fi ceea ce aștept și ȘTIU că nu primesc. Sufletul ăsta crede că număratul boabelor de orez și datul cu capul de pereți va schimba ceva. Și mai crede că toate mințile sunt curve sau corupte. Și speră ca un copil naiv că celelalte suflete au fost făcute după chipul și asemănarea sa sau că măcar au fost crescute cu același soi de grăunțe ca și porcul de el!

„Ai crescut prea mult! Te porți ca un dictator comunist și crezi că citind mailuri care nu vin și bloguri care nu se scriu, deții controlul. NU! Viața e și dincolo de această perdea pe care ți-ai construit-o din amintirile ce devin din ce în ce mai curate. Nu îți dai seama că nu faci decât să construiești o lume în care eu nu mai pot să trăiesc!”

Îmi trebuie doar puțin curaj să îl pun la punct. Să dau shut down sau nici măcar să nu mai deschid mozzila. Să nu mai număr mailurile, să nu mai fac click și doar să îl țin îngropat. Nu în filme, nu în știri, nu în cuvinte sau în viețile altora, ci în a mea. Să îl scot la iveală, doar când totul a trecut și e sigur că poate să privească în ochi prezentul."

Going online with my soul

2008-12-01T02:43:00.002+02:00

"I hide my soul in stories from good movies, movie by movie. I read news, posts on blogs and wait, word by word. I wait news which should tell me what I would say if I read the news that wouldn’t come. This soul doesn’t get it and it thinks it can drink living water from mails, posts or emoticons which will never come anyway.

I’m happy for any „hi” I get and I make a living fire from any cube of ice. And, damn’ it, I hope! Any new email might be what I’m waiting for and I KNOW I won’t receive it. This soul believes that counting the rice grains and hitting the walls with the head can make a difference. And it believes that all the minds are whores or corrupted like the one it controls. And it hopes, as an innocent child, that all the other souls were made as it was made or these have been fed with the same type of corn like it – the pig! – was.

'You are too big, my pig! You are like a communist dictator and you believe that reading emails that don’t come or blogs that weren’t written helps you to control everything. NO! The life continues behind this curtain you built from the memories which are cleaner and cleaner, brighter and brighter. You don’t realize! You build a world in which I cannot live anymore!'

I just need to be brave for two seconds, to straight the things up. To shut down or to never start mozilla. To stop counting the mails, clicking and to keep the soul buried. Buried into my own life, and not into the movies, news, or others’ life. To get it out, from me, only when everything is safe and I know it can look into the present’s eyes."

Cu tata la vot

2008-11-30T20:54:00.002+02:00

For the English version of this article click here.

Votul uninominal. Ce a inteles tata si ma gandesc ca poate si altii: "astia ma obliga sa aleg un singur om". Mi-a placut perspectiva si mi-am dat seama de doua lucruri, pe care poate le-as fi stiut dinainte, daca as fi avut un pic de vreme sa cuget asupra acestor alegeri:

1. nu ai de unde alege - lu' tata nu-i placea niciunul dintre canditatii din colegiul unde vota. Pe multi dintre ei nici nu ii stia din doua motive: campanii electorale proaste si o oarecare lipsa de interes din partea votantului (tata se uita doar la stiri si dezbateri, nu se da pe internet si nici nu citeste ziare). Tata ar fi vrut sa aiba o lista cu mai multi candidati din acelasi partid si acolo sa puna votul pe cel pe care il considera demn de votul lui. Adica dorea partidul, dar si un candidat bun. Prin urmare, cauza votului uninominal nu e pierduta, dar sa nu fim "obligati".

2. oamenii nu sunt pregatiti sa voteze persoane - tata il vrea pe Stolojan ca prim-ministru si sa ii fie bine in Cluj, deci vrea PDL-ul la putere. Trebuie sa mai treaca multi ani si candidatii sa fie oameni "vizibili", pentru ca ei sa fie mai importanti decat partidul, iar faptele/planurile lor mai importante decat asa-zisa doctrina.

Voting with my father

2008-11-30T20:34:00.003+02:00

Vote people, and not parties. Here is what my father understood and what probably others think about this new voting system: "they make me to choose only one person; they did not give me any choice". I liked the perspective and I suddenly realized two things that probably I would have known before, if I had had some time to think about these elections:

1. there is no choice - my dad did not like any of the candidates proposed for our neighborhood. Moreover, he did not know most of them for two reasons: bad electoral campaigns, and lack of interest from his part (he only watches the news and some talk-shows, and he does not read any newspapers and he does not go online). My dad wished to have a list with more candidates from the same party and to have the chance to choose the "right" person. In other words, he wanted one specific party, but also a good candidate. So, the new system will still have some chances to be implemented, if it does not force people to vote one man.

2. the Romanians are not ready to vote "people". My dad wants Stolojan as prime minister and he wants to have a good life in Cluj, so he wants the Democrat-Liberal Party to win these elections. But we need more time and more visible candidates, so that they will be considered more important than their party, and their actions/plans - more important than the party's fake"doctrine".

You make me feel like I can fly!

2008-11-20T22:28:00.005+02:00

Listen to it! It's incredible. The Edge and Bono drive me crazy (in a positive way). :D They prolong the beginning of the song, and make me (as a person who already knows the song) to "beg" for the "drums", to make Larry to play. They prepare me step by step for... elevation! Listen to it on high volume, even if your doctor and your friends say that you will become deaf. :) I recommend you the entire concert from Chicago or U23D.

Note: Pause the playlist from the right column of this blog, before playing this video (or you are going to have some noise instead of real music).;)

This is a special gift for you my friend, for your birthday - Happy Birthday!

Ce se intampla, doctore?

2008-11-15T23:16:00.004+02:00

For the English version of this article click here.

Argentina, Australia, Brazilia, Canada, China, Franta, Germania, India, Indonezia, Italia, Japonia, Mexic, Rusia, Arabia Saudita, Africa de Sud, Coreea de Sud, Turcia, Marea Britanie, Statele Unite si Uniunea Europeana fac parte din G20 si detin 85% din economia lumii. Liderii acestora (inca nu stiu cum sa le numesc si o sa explic confuzia la final) s-au intalnit la Washington sa puna lumea la cale. Sincer, nu am fost acolo si nu pricep exact de ce s-au intalnit. Ori se tem sa spuna ca s-au intalnit sa vada cum iesim din criza financiara si din foamea care ne paste, ori nu asta e scopul intalnirii lor. Ori nu am citit eu articolele care trebuie.

De cateva zile citesc articole despre acest summit si imi dau seama ca "situatiunea" e mult prea complexa pentru mine si chiar si pentru cei care s-au intalnit. Tarile vest-europene au convocat intalnirea si vor standarde si mai multa strictete. SUA a acceptat intalnirea si vrea in continuare piata libera si crede in capitalism. China comunista are banii si economia ei e inca infloritoare. Brazilia si alte "emerging economies", care pot da bani, vor mai multa putere in FMI si World Bank si vin cu ideea "geniala" la care, daaaah, nu s-a gandit nimeni pana acum: in toiul globalizarii, avem nevoie de o miscare la fel de globala pentru a iesi din criza. Deci nu va mai jucati cu lopatica, fiecare separat, in nisipul lui si ganditi global pentru tot Pamantul asta. Ok. Inteles. Discutat.

Si cu noi cum ramane? Nici concluziile nu le-am inteles. Dupa o intalnire similara din '44 (la care au participat 44 de tari, nu 20 de puteri!!!) lucrurile au fost mult mai clare, iar rezultatele concrete: s-a infiintat UN, FMI, World Bank, planul Marshall, iar economiile au crescut ca niste feti-frumosi. Dupa intalnirea din aceste zile, cele 20 de puteri s-au hotarat sa readuca lumea pe valul cresterii economice (poftim??? atat???) si sa faca un nou "trade deal" in cateva saptamani (cand? cine? ce? de ce? cum?).

Daca dupa aceeasi intalnire din '44 lumea a inceput sa creada cu adevarat in acei lideri si in planurile lor, dupa summitul de acum, eu (voi?) nu cred nimic si in nimeni. Mai tare ma inspaimant. Piata financiara, dar si viata de zi cu zi, in mintea mea, se bazeaza pe incredere si mutualitate. Astea au cam disparut si sunt greu de refacut la orice nivel. Arunc cuvinte, idei, imi pare rau, dar nu am nici o solutie decat sa incerc sa ma "incred" in cei care ar putea gasi o solutie. Astept.

Si iata aici si confuzia mea de inceput: printre puteri apar mentionate separat de UE, asa cum poate ati observat si voi deja, Franta, Germania, Italia si Marea Britanie. Fac parte din UE tarile astea, nu? Sau au iesit si nu mi-au spus mie? Deci cand pe jos, cand in caruta? Cam ciudata atitudine cand vrei sau cel putin declari ca vrei sa creezi o Europa puternica si unita, ca de aia se cheama Uniune!

What's up, doc?

2008-11-15T22:52:00.004+02:00

Argentina, Australia, Brazil, Canada, China, France, Germany, India, Indonesia, Italy, Japan, Mexico, Russia, Saudi Arabia, South Africa, South Korea, Turkey, the United Kingdom, the US and the EU are members of G20 and represent 85% of world's economy. G20 leaders met in Washington to plan the future for this world. Honestly, I wasn't there and I am not able to understand WHY they actually met. They might be afraid to say that they met to find a solution to get out from the financial crisis, or probably that's not the real reason of the summit. Or I didn't read the right articles. Who knows?!

Few days ago I started to read intensively about the summit and now I can say that the situation is too complex for me and even for those leaders who met in Washington. The Western European countries asked for the meeting, and they want "standards" and more control over the market. US accepted the "date" and they still love the free market and the capitalism. The communist China has the money and its economy is still growing. Brazil and other "emerging economies", which can "deliver" the money to the others, want more power and control over IMF and World Bank, and these countries come with a brilliant idea (daaah, nobody thought about it before - ironic): in the time of globalization, we need a global movement to get out from this crisis. In other words, don't play by yourself in your own backyard, and think globally for all this planet. Ok. Got it.

What about us? I didn't get the end, the conclusions of the summit. In '44, after a similar meeting (between 44 countries, and not 20 "powers") the things were clearer, and the results - obvious: UN, IMF, World Bank, Marshall plan were established, and the world's economy started to grow as in a fairy-tale. After these days summit, the 20 leaders "pledge to restore the growth" (what? that's all?) and to make a new "trade deal" within weeks (when? who? what? why? how?).

After the same meeting from '44, the people started to believe/trust those leaders and their plans. After this summit, I (what about you?) don't trust anything and anyone. Moreover, I am more and more concerned. The financial world, and the everyday life (in my opinion) are based on trust and reciprocity. These two disappeared and it's hard to recover them at any level. I write words, and manage ideas. I'm sorry, I don't have any solution. All I can do is to try to put my trust in those who should find a solution for this situation. I'm waiting.

P.S. As you probably observed, in G20 there are some European countries mentioned separately from EU: France, Germany, Italy and UK. Aren't these EU members anymore? Did they get out from EU and they didn't tell me a thing? With or without EU? They should decide what they want, because I consider this attitude to be a weird one in a context in which these countries support or, at least, they say they support a strong and unified Europe called European UNION.

Mi-e dor de mine si de galben

2008-11-09T10:40:00.005+02:00

For the English version of this article click here.

Mi-e dor de mine. Nu m-am vazut demult. Mi-e dor de ochii ce l-au privit pe Toulouse Lautrec intr-un muzeu din Paris. Mi-e dor de 27 decembrie 2007. Mi-e dor de frigul de pe riverfront-ul din Wilmington din 1 ianuarie 2008. Mi-e dor de picioarele care s-au scaldat in Sena. Mi-e dor de mana pe care i-am intins-o unui prieten trecand strada spre agentia CFR. Mi-e dor de siguranta de la 24 de ani. Mi-e dor de sora care eram pentru un prieten. Mi-e dor de energia care ma tinea in picioare 48 de ore, cu sau fara ciocolata. Mi-e dor de picioarele care dansau o noapte intreaga, de ochii care se inchideau pe ritmul muzicii si ignorau realitatea. Mi-e dor de pensulele mele si de degetele care se murdareau constant cu galben. Mi-e dor de U2 - Unforgettable Fire si de privelistea de la etajul 5 al unui camin studentesc din Nantes, camera 1001. Mi-e dor de sandalele pe care le-am purtat cand scriam primul articol de ziar. Mi-e dor de balbaielile mele de la radio. Mi-e dor de aerul rece de la ora 5 dimineata de pe Eroilor. Mi-e dor de Zaraza, mi-e dor de confuzie si de ora de SPSS. Mi-e dor de discutiile din Maharaja, de datul cu masina pe fundal de David Cook. Mi-e dor de sufletul pus la bataie in Quo Vadis, la fiecare intalnire sau eveniment. Mi-e dor sa nu imi fie dor.

I miss myself and yellow

2008-11-09T00:18:00.009+02:00

I miss myself. I didn't see me for a while. I miss the eyes that stared at a Toulouse Lautrec work of art in a museum from Paris. I miss December 27th 2007. I miss the cold air from Wilmington riverfront, January 1st 2008. I miss the feet which got wet in Seine. I miss the hand I gave to one of my friends on our way to the travel agency. I miss the toughness I had when I was 24. I miss the sister I was for one my friends. I miss the energy that was keeping me awake for 48 hours, with or without chocolate. I miss the feet which were dancing all night long, the eyes ignoring the surrounding reality. I miss the painting stuff and my fingers getting dirty from yellow. I miss U2 - the Unforgettable Fire, and the 5th floor view I had in the dorm from Nantes (room 1001). I miss the sandals I was wearing when I wrote my first article in a newspaper. I miss the mistakes I made "on air", broadcasting the news in a local radio. I miss the 5am cold air from Eroilor Boulevard. I miss Zaraza, I miss my confusion and the SPSS classes. I miss the talks from Maharaja, the driving around with David Cook in the background. I miss the soul that I opened, trained and used for every single meeting or event from Quo Vadis Cafe. I miss not to miss anything/anyone anymore.

Azi a castigat! V-am zis eu ca va castiga ;) / He won. I told you so ;)

2008-11-05T07:20:00.006+02:00

Asta e ce am scris in februarie cand l-am vazut pe Obama :) Un om care intra in scena pe U2 nu putea decat sa castige! Sunt bucuroasa pentru prietenii mei care l-au sustinut! / That's what I wrote when I saw Obama in February. ;) A man who get up on the stage on U2 background must win. I'm happy for my friends who supported him!

Azi, l-am vazut pe sot! / Today, I saw the husband!
Cu sotia inainte! / The wife rules

Burn your brain reading this!

2008-11-02T02:32:00.003+02:00

For the English version of this article, click here.

"Ce ..... (bip) de film!". "Moroons!!!" Asta le-as fi raspuns celor din dreapta mea care probabil ca au venit la film pentru ca i-au vazut pe Clooney si pe Pitt pe afis sau ca voiau sa incerce noul cinema din mall. N-ati priceput nimic! Intorcandu-ma la film (Burn after reading) - e destept! Bine jucat! Incepe ca un film serios, ca sa le dea apa la moara celor amintiti in primele randuri, dar de indata ce il vezi pe Pitt jucandu-l pe Chad te prinzi ca e ironic, ca e haz de necaz.

Mor oameni, "agentia" se agita si nu pricepe nimic, dar ascunde cadavre, ca asta stie sa faca... pentru patru operatii estetice. Si nu e despre politica, rusii inca mai vor informatii, dar nu mai vaneaza orice si stau cuminti in cladirea lor imensa, ca americanii sunt capabili sa se impuste intre ei si singuri. Si da, e vorba de vicii. Agentul e dat afara din cauza bauturii, si nu a rusilor, iar celalalt ii ia doar sotia, nu si informatiile. Iar spionii sunt detectivi ce strang dovezi pentru divorturi sau isi aduna tot armamentul sa aresteze o blonda intr-o masina rosie. Si intre timp Putin vegheaza din poza de la Ambasada "Mickey Mouse".

Clooney si Swinton, inamici seriosi si dramatici in Michael Clayton, vor sa iti joace si ei o farsa si sa iti spuna ca si filmul asta e treaba serioasa... dar Swinton nu e decat o doctorita care isi insala sotul (cu Clooney) si ii fura banii lui Malkovich (sotul, bineinteles), iar Clooney - un aventurier dependent de sex si "exercise".

In rest, vreme buna in Washington. Nu se aud mai mult de doua impuscaturi, iar televiziunea vorbeste doar despre Oliver, motanul erou al copiilor. Intre timp, agentia trece la secret dosarul fara sa inteleaga ce e secret si ce nu trebuie sa mai faca, dar important este ca nu mai stie nimeni despre treaba asta: ultimul martor colaboreaza pentru a primi cele patru operatii estetice.

N-ati priceput nimic din ce am scris. Stiu! Mergeti la film, atunci!

Burn your brain reading this!

2008-11-02T02:02:00.007+02:00

"What a crap!".,, "Moroons!!!" That's I would have replied to the people sitting next to me who probably came to the movie only because they saw Clooney and Pitt on the poster or because they wanted to try the new theater from the mall. "You didn't get a thing!" Back to the movie (Burn after reading) - it was a smart one! Well done and played! It starts as a serious movie to satisfy my neighbors, but as soon as you see Pitt playing Chad you get it. It's an ironic movie, it's a good and smart comedy.

There are people dying, "the agency" works without understanding what it's doing, but it gets rid of dead bodies, only because it has the know-how on that.... and all these happen because of four cosmetic surgeries. And it's not about politics; the Russians still need information, but they don't chase it in the way they did before, and they stay quietly in their huge building from DC, meanwhile Americans kill each other. And yes, it's about weaknesses. The fired agent is terminated because he has an alcohol problem, and not because of the Russians, and the other public worker steals the first agent's wife, and not secret information. And the spies are private detectives that try to get information for divorce trials or guys "in black" who get all together to arrest one blond lady driving a red car. Meanwhile, Putin is watching everything from the picture hanged on the walls of the "Mickey Mouse" Embassy.

Clooney and Swinton, serious and dramatic enemies in Michael Clayton, want to play around with you and to convince you that this movie is serious staff too, but Swinton is just a physician who cheats her husband (with Clooney) and steals money from Malkovich (the husband). Clooney is a handsome guy, he looks for adventures and he is addicted to sex and "exercise".

Otherwise, there is good weather in Washington DC. There are only two shooting sounds, and the TV stations talk about Oliver - the kids' hero-cat. Meanwhile, the agency classifies the file without understanding what secrets they classify and what they shouldn't do "next time". But the most important thing is that everyone was eliminated: the last witness chose to collaborate, so that she could get those four cosmetic surgeries.

I know. You didn't get a thing from what I wrote. Then, go and see the movie! ;)

Motiv sa stau treaza

2008-10-26T01:23:00.004+02:00

For the English version of this post click here.

Nu pot sa dorm. Biblioteca mi-e intoarsa pe dos, nu gasesc nicio carte, decat daca e mai mult decat evidenta, pe raftul cel mai din fata ochilor mei. N-am avut vreme sa le aranjez pe rafturile cele noi. Oricum nu prea mai caut carti acolo. Cele importante sunt intr-o cutie de laptop de la marginea patului meu. Inca nu am despachetat in totalitate pachetul de carti pe care mi l-am trimis din State. Am scos doar vreo doua-trei, sa le rasfoiesc pe la suprafata, ca si cum le-as citi in adancime... si cartea despre U2 inca e in folie, in cutie. La cealalta margine a patului e un joc de domino - cadou de la o firma partenera care se sprijina de lampa de birou, care sta pe jos. Un pic mai la stanga e o sticla de pepsi, de doi litri, desi mi-am zis ca nu mai beau nimic altceva decat apa. Macar de coca-cola am scapat.

"L-ul" (da' tu, "lllllllllllll") de la tastatura sare nonstop. Laptopul sta constant pe podea, in timp ce celalalt calculator e impartit jumatate pe un raft si cealalta jumatate pe birou. Cursurile si articolele importante, munca de cativa ani (nu exagerez!), sunt undeva in dulap, intr-o ordine pe care nu mi-o mai aduc aminte. Am haine pe care nu le mai port, dar nici nu renunt la ele, nu imi gasesc niciodata un lucru din prima incercare - deschid cel putin doua usi de dulap. Chestiile marunte de machiaj nu sunt niciodata acolo unde le-as pune in mod normal, iar oglinda e in cel mai intunecat colt al camerei.

Nu stiu ce cauta Lion King - Simba - pe televizor si inca nu stiu in ce directie sa dorm in patul cel nou, de patru luni, si ma trezesc, destul de des, cu dureri de spate. In fiecare noapte dorm in alta pijama, ca nu mi-o gasesc pe cea de cu o noapte inainte. Biroul e plin de "chestii pentru curs" - e singura parte pe care o iau in serios in camera si doar cand ma ocup de asta ma asez pe scaunul de la birou. M-as uita deodata la Criminal Minds, la televizor, si la Seinfeld, pe calculator.

Si in toata nebunia asta, camera pare organizata ca si viata mea. Reusesc sa imi tin hainele in dulap si sa dau destul de rar pe acasa. Mi-am carat viata la birou si pe drumuri, incerc sa o traiesc in alta parte, de fiecare data, ca sa imi dea impresia ca sunt in miscare si inaintez spre ceea ce imi doresc. Notez in agenda, deschid aceleasi bloguri de cateva ori pe zi (doua!), tin la orarul meu de munca, planific, vorbesc cu oameni, imi vad prieteni, ma comport la fel, fac aceleasi glume, desi nu as mai reactiona la fel... dar cartile alea inca stau in cutie si inca tot n-am vazut, pe de-a-ntregul, DVD-ul cu U2, primit cadou, acum patru luni. Sta sub casca de inot, pe birou, langa romanul pe care nu mai reusesc sa il termin.

Reasons to stay awake

2008-10-26T00:22:00.006+02:00

I can't sleep. I cannot find any book on my book-shelves, only if it is jumping in my eyes. I don't have time to organize them on the "new" shelves that I got four months ago. Anyway, I don't look for books there anymore. The most important ones are in a shipping box, next to my bed. I didn't take them out yet, even if I got back home from US long time ago. I took out only two or three, pretending that I'm reading them. And the book about U2 is still in the box, still wrapped. On the other side of the bed is a domino game - a gift from a partner company. The domino stands near the desk lamp which is on the floor. Next to it, it's a Pepsi bottle. I cannot keep my promise not to drink soda anymore. At least, I don't drink coke anymore.

The "l" (yes, you, my "L") from the keyboard is playing games with me, getting out and moving around. The laptop is almost all the time on the floor, meanwhile the other computer is split between the desk and the shelf. My school work is somewhere in the closet, arranged in a way I cannot remember. I have clothes that I don't wear anymore and I cannot give up on them. I cannot find any thing in one second, I have to open at least two closets. The make up things are never in the right place, where I should put them, and the mirror is in the darkest corner of the room.

I don't know what Lion King - Simba - does on my TV station and I still don't know how I should sleep in my new bed - four months old - and I often wake up in pain, because of my back. Every night, I sleep in a different pajama, because I cannot find the one that I used a night before. My desk is full with "teaching staff", the only serious part of this room. I would watch Criminal Minds on TV and Seinfeld on my computer at the same time.

And in all this craziness, the room seemed to be organized as well as my own life is. I keep my clothes in the closet and I spend less time at home. I put my life on the roads and I keep it in the office. I try to live it every time in another place, so I can say that I'm "moving on" in my life, following my goal. I use a daily planner, open the same blogs several times per day (two of them), I keep myself punctual at work, I talk with people, meet old friends, make the same jokes, even if I would say something different this time... and so on. But the books are still in the box, and the U2 DVD, the gift received four months ago, is still unsealed, on the desk, under the swimming cap, and next to the novel that I cannot finish reading.

www.busolapolitica.ro

2008-10-19T12:41:00.005+02:00

www.busolapolitica.ro e un proiect al unor oameni care inca mai spera ca se pot limpezi lucrurile din viata politica romaneasca si ca alegatorii romani vor vota programe politice si nu pe cei care latra mai bine sau mai frumos. Intri, raspunzi la intrebari si, la final, vezi ce partid reprezinta cel mai bine ideile tale legate de economie, politici sociale, politica externa, minoritati si altele.

Sa zicem ca, prin absurd, toti romanii cu drept de vot intra pe acest site si apoi la alegeri vor vota conform programelor politice pe care ei le sustin (am zis prin absurd! nu am zis ca e posibil!). Dar oare alesii invingatori vor conduce Romania conform programelor politice? Pe ei cum ii educam???

www.busolapolitica.ro is a project developed by some people who still believe that the Romanian political life might become clearer and that the Romanian voters will be able to vote political programs and not men who speak well or have beautiful smiles. Go on the website, take the quiz, and, in the end, you will find out which party represents better your ideas related to economics, social policies, foreign affairs, minorities, etc.

Let's say that all the Romanian voters will go on this website and then, at the election, they will be able to vote and will be aware of the political programs they support (it's just a theory, I don't say that's possible!). But will the winners put in practice their political programs? Will they be able to run this country in a rational way, according to their political strategies? If we are able to educate all the voters, how can we educate the politicians?

Cu sufletul la mare

2008-10-10T22:31:00.004+02:00

„Să îmi îngrop sufletul în nisip. Sau să îl dezgrop și să îl aduc la viață. Asta cred că vreau de fiecare dată când ajung la țărm. Caut cu disperare calmă un loc să arunc cearșaful. Arunc rucsacul, înlătur hainele care urăsc apa și fug spre valuri. Mă opresc. Ating nisipul ud și mă opresc. Mă aplec și ating apa care vine încet spre mine, albă, cu bucluci, tremurând în curbe. Intru în apă. Trebuie să mai aștept un pic până la îngroparea sau dezgroparea sufletului.

Intru încet, că încă nu îmi permit prea multe cu marea. Nu am văzut-o demult. Și e ca atunci când întâlnești un vechi prieten, căruia nu mai știi ce să îi spui și nu mai știi cum îi zâmbeai pe vremuri. Înot. Îmi îngheț mintea în valuri, mă las pe spate, caut un loc liniștit și privesc cerul. Înot paralel cu norii și cu țărmul. E timpul să mă întorc. Valurile mă ajută să ies la mal.

Cad în nisipul care se lipește imediat de mine. Încep să construiesc ceva din care niciodată nu iese nimic. Jocul e un pretext, dar mă supăr cu adevărat când dau de un chiștoc sau de un capac de plastic. Și mă revolt. Nu pot să îmi las sufletul acolo. Sau nu am cum să îl găsesc acolo. Mă mut, dacă e cazul. Îmi ridic ochii și privesc marea, sprijinindu-mă pe palmele îngropate cât mai adânc și viguros în nisip. Ascult. Șterg fiecare urlet sau râs isteric din jur și ascult. E acolo. După caz, trebuie să las sufletul aici sau să îl ridic.

Dacă trebuie să îl îngrop, caut un copil care are uneltele de plastic. Am nevoie de lopată. Pretind că îl ajut cu castelul, dar nu fac altceva decât să sap șanțul din jur. Dacă trebuie să îl ridic, să îmi scol sufletul din morți, îmi înfig mâinile puternic în nisip de câteva ori. Ridic nisipul, îl strâng în pumni și apoi îl las să cadă încet luat de briză. Repet mișcările, în ambele cazuri, până când zâmbetul copilului e real sau până când nu mai aud valurile.”

E-revolutie sau e-comunism?

2008-09-23T21:59:00.003+02:00

For the English version of this post click here

Cum ar fi fost comunismul in Romania daca am fi avut acces la Internet? Daca am fi fost conectati la lumea din afara tarii cum suntem acum? Ar fi fost interzis Internetul? Ar fi putut interzice Statul sa avem adrese de email pe yahoo? Sa chat-uim? Sa ne dam pe google? Sa ne uitam la ce nici nu ne putem imagina pe youtube? Sau sa scriem bloguri? Ce ar fi fost permis? Sau ar fi fost Internetul folosit ca unealta de manipulare? Am fi mituit pe unii si pe altii sa avem Internet, asa cum faceam sa facem rost de un salam mai bun sau de un telefon fix?

Am citit azi in FP (Foreign Policy) Romania, noul meu hobby in autobuz, un articol despre cultura pop care a invadat lumea islamica creand o lume a contrastelor puternice. Imaginile si textul spun destule si totusi nu deajuns. Articolul descrie destul de bine ceea ce preiau tinerii din tarile islamice din "cultura pop" a Occidentului, dar vorbeste foarte putin despre cum e posibil acest lucru si si mai putin despre cum a scapat conexiunea la Internet de sub cenzura. Sub un regim tiranic, si politic si religios, Iranul are una din cele mai mari comunitati de blogger-i din lume!

Dar poate ca Internetul nu e altceva decat o forma de a tine sub control masa asta intreaga de tineri. Inchipuiti-va ce ar putea face acesti tineri daca nu ar avea cu ce sa isi ocupe timpul, daca nu ar putea downloada muzica si filmele vestice, daca nu ar putea injura tiranii pe yahoo messenger, daca fetele nu ar putea sa apara pe webcamuri fara valuri etc. Poate ar avea timp si de o revolutie? Daca nu ar avea unde sa isi verse frustrarile si unde sa se bucure de libertate, poate ca totusi ar porni o revolutie! Stiu ca nu e asa usor cand dincolo de politica stau crezuri si credinte si mai stiu ca de lipsa unei revolte adevarate si de rasturnarea unei puteri nu e vinovat doar Internetul.

Credeti ca ar fi cazut regimul comunist in Romania daca am fi avut la dispozitie Internetul? Am fi putut fi amagiti cu o libertate, in mare masura, virtuala?

*Am dat peste FP Romania, cumparand Dilema care vorbea despre subiectele tabu in timpul comunismului. Am fost placut surprinsa sa gasesc, in varianta doua la pret de una, FP-ul. Nu stiam ca se publica si in Romania. V-o recomand.

E-revolution or e-communism?

2008-09-23T21:33:00.005+02:00

How would the communism have been in Romania if we had had access to Internet? If we had been connected to the whole world like we are now? Would the Internet had been prohibited? Could the State have prohibited us to have yahoo email addresses? Or to chat? Or to search on google? Or to watch whatever we want on youtube? Or to write on blogs? What would have been allowed? Would the Internet have been used as a manipulation tool? Would we have bribed in order to get Internet access, like we did before for better salami or for a home phone?

I have read today in FP (Foreign Policy) Romania, my new hobby on the bus, an article about the pop culture which conquered the Islam world and built a world of contrasts. The pictures and the text say a lot, but not enough. The article speaks quite well about what the Islamic youths "borrow" and "learn" from the Western pop culture, but it doesn't speak enough about how all these are possible and about how the Internet succeeded to escape from the dictatorship's control. Even if it's a dictatorship, talking from a political and a religious point of view, Iran has one of the largest communities of bloggers in the world!

But maybe the Internet is just a tool used to keep this huge mass of young people under control. Imagine what these "kids" might do if they did not have something to do after work or school, if they could not download the Western music and movies, if they could not curse the dictators on YM, or if the girls could not show their faces on webcams? They might have some time for a revolution. If they did not have where to express their frustrations or where to get some freedom, they might start a revolution! I know that it is not so easy to start one, especially when the religion stays behind the politics, and I also know that the Internet cannot carry all the responsibility for the lack of a real revolt.

What do you think? Would we have had an anti-communist revolution if we had had access to Internet? Could we have been cheated with some virtual freedom?

DOLINA

2008-09-21T09:13:00.010+02:00

DOLINA e un film caruia i-am uitat sfarsitul, desi l-am vazut doar ieri. Bine, recunosc. Mi l-am amintit dupa vreo 20 de minute de rememorat si retrait filmul. Daca nu iesea imaginea de final din cutiuta, l-as fi sunat pe Cristi sa il intreb cum s-a terminat.

Am intrat la film dupa ce m-am uitat lung la un afis-tablou ce aducea a un El Greco reinviat si avea un text care imi spunea ca o sa fie vorba despre post-comunismul din Ungaria. De fapt, textul nu era foarte clar, dar avea niste cuvinte cheie care m-au facut sa cred ca e vorba despre perioada post-comunista: "tranzitie", "burghez din Vest" si mai era unul, pe care nu mi-l aduc aminte, dar oricum semana cu romanescul "coruptie".

Filmul, vorba lui Cristi, a fost o metafora a unui regim totalitar, dar sigur nu a fost ceea ce ne asteptam noi sa fie si, la final, am zis doar ca a fost un film foarte ciudat. Si poate am uitat povestea (mai precis finalul ei) tocmai pentru ca imaginea si detaliile au fost mult mai importante, cel putin, mai dezvoltate. Fiecare cadru era un tablou de pus pe perete. Un oras prafuit, alb si crem, cu o apa rosie adunata in lacuri statute, cu sute de preoti militari imbracati intr-un albastru marin sters, iar in centrul actiunii e un coafor roz, blond, alb, rosu. Fiecare fata e extrem de expresiva. Puteai sa faci o expozitie intreaga de portrete (zeci!).

Am uitat povestea poate si din cauza dialogului cam prost. Sau a fost tradus prost (n-am putut verifica decat putine cuvinte, ca filmul era in maghiara). Ca sa spun totusi un pic din poveste, Dolina face parte din numele orasului Bogdansky...(something) Dolina care e controlat de preoti militari. Intri ca si turist, te jupuiesc de tot ce ai si apoi nu mai poti iesi decat daca ai multi bani ca sa poti corupe sau daca ai curajul sa fugi peste munti sau prin apa rece a unui rau care si-a mutat albia ca sa iti faca tie in ciuda. Povestea e mult mai complicata si include frati, tati, arhimandriti, lesbianism, tuberculoza, iubire, onoare, cadavre care trebuie exhumate, caini si un fel de pre-rockeri jandarmi. Nu va ingroziti, ca nu e chiar asa dramatic si m-am trezit de multe ori razand, ca la o comedie absurda!

Si si mai absurd... m-am tot gandit si inca tot nu sunt sigura daca actiunea avea loc acum in anii '90 sau 2000. Sunt foarte putine indicii: un telefon modern si o masina de teren care apar din lumea de dincolo de Dolina, dar in Dolina nu se stie in ce timp esti.

Love till you hate

2008-09-09T17:47:00.006+02:00

Know that we all fall down / Love till you hate / Strong till you break / Know that we all fall down

listen to it on high volume!

Modern Slavery - sometimes, I hate the world in which we live

2008-08-18T22:02:00.011+03:00

I hate to do what I don't want. Imagine to be forced to do something against your will, such as prostitution, unpaid work... and other things that I cannot even think about.

You can read here a small part from Trafficking in Persons Report 2008, published by the Office to Monitor and Combat Trafficking in Persons, U.S. Department of State. The numbers are big, and the stories from the report paint only a small part of the entire suffering of the trafficked persons. I was shocked to see that one of the stories is about Lila - a 19 years old girl from Romania.

"The Scope and Nature of Modern-Day Slavery
The common denominator of trafficking scenarios is the use of force, fraud, or coercion to exploit a person for profit. A victim can be subjected to labor exploitation, sexual exploitation, or both. Labor exploitation includes traditional chattel slavery, forced labor, and debt bondage. Sexual exploitation typically includes abuse within the commercial sex industry. In other cases, victims are exploited in private homes by individuals who often demand sex as well as work. The use of force or coercion can be direct and violent or psychological.

A wide range of estimates exists on the scope and magnitude of modern-day slavery. The International Labor Organization (ILO)—the United Nations agency charged with addressing labor standards, employment, and social protection issues—estimates that there are 12.3 million people in forced labor, bonded labor, forced child labor, and sexual servitude at any given time; other estimates range from 4 million to 27 million.

Annually, according to U.S. Government-sponsored research completed in 2006, approximately 800,000 people are trafficked across national borders, which does not include millions trafficked within their own countries. Approximately 80 percent of transnational victims are women and girls and up to 50 percent are minors. The majority of transnational victims are females trafficked into commercial sexual exploitation. These numbers do not include millions of female and male victims around the world who are trafficked within their own national borders—the majority for forced or bonded labor.

Human traffickers prey on the vulnerable. Their targets are often children and young women, and their ploys are creative and ruthless, designed to trick, coerce, and win the confidence of potential victims. Very often these ruses involve promises of a better life through employment, educational opportunities, or marriage.

The nationalities of trafficked people are as diverse as the world’s cultures. Some leave developing countries, seeking to improve their lives through low-skilled jobs in more prosperous countries. Others fall victim to forced or bonded labor in their own countries. Women, eager for a better future, are susceptible to promises of jobs abroad as babysitters, housekeepers, waitresses, or models—jobs that traffickers turn into the nightmare of forced prostitution without exit. Some families give children to adults, often relatives, who promise education and opportunity—but sell the children into exploitative situations for money. But poverty alone does not explain this tragedy, which is driven by fraudulent recruiters, employers, and corrupt officials who seek to reap unlawful profits from others’ desperation".

http://www.state.gov/g/tip/rls/tiprpt/2008/

It's all about trust, money, poverty, dirty desires... and selfishness. It's painful. It hurts and makes me hate all those "no-heart beings" who sell these people and those who pay and use them. And what scares me even more is that just watching a porno movie or eating the cheapest fruits from Africa might transform you/us in "slave masters" too, because we encourage through our decisions/actions/money the slavery!

Unde va grabiti? Si in fata ploua!

2008-08-08T21:40:00.006+03:00

Am sa dau vina pe secolul asta, secolul vitezei, in care nimeni nu vrea sa piarda vremea cu nimic. Dar daca e legat de secol, atunci eu sunt din alt timp (si sincer mi-ar fi placut sa traiesc pe la inceputul secolului XX).

Eu ma imprietenesc greu, de indragostit ma indragostesc mai repede, dar nu conteaza ritmul in care ma misc eu, ci cel in care se misca ceilalti. Eu de asa relatii rapide, de orice fel, n-am mai avut parte! Si daca ar fi fost vorba de un singur om, as fi spus ca e din vina aceluia, iar daca toate relatiile mele ar fi fost asa, atunci as fi intors degetul aratator spre mine.

Uneori am impresia ca oamenii sar si peste inceput, se arunca direct in ceea ce numesc prietenie sau relatie amoroasa, se considera prieteni sau iubiti din prima zi, isi spun din primele ore cele mai mari secrete si in cateva luni (daca nu chiar mai repede) dau brusc inapoi. Afiseaza raceala, cu care ar fi trebuit poate sa inceapa, si isi arata nerabdarea de a comunica, de a intreba. Practic ies din sala de cinema inainte sa se termine filmul, doar pentru ca actorul principal a strambat din nas prea tare cand a zis replica X.

Si nu cred ca ma deranjeaza atat de tare iesitul din sala inainte de THE END, ci mai degraba faptul ca odata ajunsi in hol se poarta de parca nu ar fi vazut nimic din acel film, de parca nu ar fi fost ei cei care au hotarat sa vada acel film. Ma deranjeaza ca la ora 8 pm, dupa cateva luni de apropiere totala, imi spun ca tin la mine si imi arata afectiune si la 4 am se uita la mine si imi vorbesc ca unui strain, in conditiile in care eu in intervalul acela mi-am pastrat atitudinea si sentimentele si n-am intreprins nici o actiune care ar putea duce la aceasta "reactiune".

Unde a inceput minciuna? Sau unde au calcat acceleratia si eu, fara sa imi dau seama, am ramas in drum, cu parul in vant si cu ochii in soare?

Romania cu batic, sa nu o traga curentul european

2008-08-03T20:18:00.006+03:00

Ma uitam la stiri pe ProTV, ceea ce nu am mai facut demult. Era un material din capitala. Sorin Oprescu pornise la picior in mahala, in sectorul 5, sa vada cum o mai duce lumea. Nu mi s-a parut nimic interesant pana nu au aparut in fata camerelor doua femei, care purtau batic si care se plangeau ca nu au apa, ca nu au canalizare, ca nu au una, ca nu au cealalta.

Prima reactie: le-am dat dreptate "doamnelor" din mahala. Oras european, capitala de stat european, si sa nu ai apa, sa mergi pe drum prafuit de tara, la doar cativa km de Casa Poporului! Cine a mai pomenit?! Imediat dupa acest material, cei de la ProTV au bagat o stire de la Cluj si Timisoara unde occidentul si-a intrat in drepturi cu terase sofisticate ocupate de turisti straini. Mi-a crescut sufletul de ardeleanca, dar dupa nici 5 minute de mandrie mai domoala, specifica noua ardelenilor (no, ase ma, v-am aratat cum tre' sa shie in Occident!), mi-am dat seama ca cel mai tare m-a deranjat baticul doamnelor.

Femeile alea, ca multi alti oameni pe care i-am vazut in Romania, chiar si in Clujul "occidental", sunt din alt timp si din alt film. Fonduri structurale peste fonduri structurale pot sa treaca peste tantile alea, campanii de informare si educare peste campanii, vizite peste vizite la mall-uri, Andreea Marin sau alte femei din reclame pot sa vina la ele, poate sa le bage si apa si sa le faca si drumul cu linie galbena pe mijloc, eu pun pariu ca nu o sa isi dea jos baticul nici in ruptul capului.

P.S. Am invatat eu mai demult, la un curs de istorie a mentalitatilor (a folosit si ala la ceva pana la urma) ca trebuie sa treaca vreo 40 de ani pana cand se schimba mentalitatea unei generatii. Si cica si Moise i-a plimbat pe evrei prin desert 40 de ani, ca sa ii vindece de mentalitatea de sclavi. Nu stiu daca m-am exprimat si am retinut bine, dar concluzia este ca trebuie sa avem rabdare si sa asteptam ca Romania sa isi dea jos baticul!

M-am intors la cheesecake-ul romanesc

2008-08-03T20:08:00.002+03:00

Ultimul post/articol inaintea astuia a fost pe 23 mai. Urmatorul post dupa asta va fi 3 august. Ce am facut intre timp? Am trait. Cum? Agitat, frumos, trist, fericit, provocator, in alb, in negru, in romana, in engleza, in fata oceanului, in aeroport, in New York, in Cluj, la Oceanul Atlantic, la Oradea, la Cimpia Turzii, pe terasa, pe podium, la martini, la un cheesecake la Quo Vadis, la telefon (foarte mult la telefon), pe skype, pe yahoo mail/messenger, la primarie, pe Rene Descartes si inca nu am ajuns in Parcul Mare din Cluj, dar am fost la Marisel.

Pentru detalii, ma puteti contacta la acelasi numar de telefon si la aceeasi adresa de email sau la cafeneaua mea preferata din Cluj. Cu alte cuvinte, m-am intors.

Deocamdata

2008-05-23T02:07:00.001+03:00

... scriu pe blogul asta http://jooniorzambet.blogspot.com. Promit ca imi fac timp, in curand, sa spun cateva vorbe despre New York, Texas si saracie. Idei am, timpul imi lipseste.

Delfinul nu inoata in ciocolata

2008-04-14T02:16:00.005+02:00

Asta nu-i cronica de film, ci cronica de viata. Dar incepe cu un film. Madea si Tyler Perry sunt vestiti prin zona. Nu stiu cum se numeste filmul, dar incepe ca toate celelalte pe care le-am vazut cu Madea: cu o drama.

Sotie de mare procuror e data afara din casa dupa 18 ani de casatorie. Data afara din casa se traduce prin lacrimi, tarat pe covor, pumni, totul in fata amantei care a avut timp sa ii daruiasca procurorului doi baieti. Nu te atinge barbatul ani intregi, stii ca are o amanta, iti spune in fata ca nu te vrea si tu stai ca proasta si astepti ziua in care o sa iti daruiasca inca un diamant sau o rochie rosie. Pardon, intre timp scrii un jurnal in care spui ce naspa te simti. Si te trezesti intr-un camion plin cu papuci si rochii si nu stii unde sa te duci.

In film, te duci la Madea care iti taie canapeaua din sufrageria de kilometri patrati cu drujba. In realitate, esti o femeie care nu a stiut niciodata sa ia decizii si nu ai stiut sa renunti la ceea ce nu poti sa ai.

Sotie de procuror nu ma fac. Macar am luat o decizie pe ziua de azi. In rest, e ceata. Toata viata (mai bine de un sfert de secol, sa traiesc la multi ani!)am stiut ce vreau sau, mai bine zis, am stiut sa aleg si nu am regretat nimic. Ca asta mi-e politica: nu regreta, orice s-ar intampla, invata sa mergi mai departe de unde ai ajuns. Acum, ca m-am batut cu pumnii in piept, trebuie sa recunosc ca am imbatranit.

E prima data cand simt ca deciziile mele sunt luate sub presiunea timpului. Parca sta cineva cu un cronometru la urechea mea si numara secundele, zilele, anii. Si pentru prima data mi-e greu sa renunt la ceea ce nu pot sa am. Daca inainte era usor sa cred ca am timp sa am totul, acum stiu ca nu se mai poate. Daca la 7 ani cand am invatat sa citesc stiam sigur ca o sa pot citi toate cartile din lume, iar in liceu aveam o lista clara cu locuri si lucruri pe care vreau sa le vad, acum totul se reduce la valori.

Incet-incet invat ca un delfin batran ca, de exemplu, nu conteaza unde lucrez, atata vreme cat locul se potriveste cu valorile si principiile mele; ca exista mai multe feluri de a raspunde la intrebarea "ce vrei sa te faci cand vei fi mare?". Insa, tot ca un delfin batran, invat sa aleg si sa renunt pentru TOTDEAUNA la locuri, lucruri si oameni. Nu pot citi toate cartile din lume, nu pot vedea tot ceea ce vreau si daca totul s-ar opri aici nu ar fi deloc greu. Dar este.

Scriind toate astea, ma luminez tot ca un delfin, ca nu e greu sa iei decizii, ci e greu sa renunti. Si speri sa poti savura ciocolata cu alune, fara sa te ingrasi. Si e si mai greu cand altii au decis inaintea ta si e prea tarziu sa iei propria ta decizie, chiar daca aceea coincide intr-un fel sau altul cu ceea ce au hotorat ei. Ai asteptat sa fii data afara, cand puteai pleaca demult. Si e si mai greu cand trebuie sa renunti doar pentru ca Pamantul asta e prea mare pentru noi.

Stereolife

2008-04-04T02:19:00.006+02:00

7 luni m-am ferit sa cumpar lucruri pe care de obicei le cumparam atunci cand ne stabilim undeva pe mult-mult-mult timp. N-am luat mobila, am doar un pat in camera.

Singurul lucru pe care l-am cumparat e o cutie de plastic pe care o folosesc ca noptiera. Am refuzat sa investesc intr-un spatiu din care parca plecam/am plecat tot a doua zi. Ieri am primit cadou o vaza.

Am luat-o la mine in camera si n-am stiut unde sa o asez. Abia atunci am realizat cat de goala este incaperea si cat de gata de plecare sunt in fiecare moment. In loc sa ma gandesc ce flori sa cumpar pentru vaza, primul gand care mi-a venit in minte a fost: "cum duc eu vaza asta acasa fara sa o sparg?". Azi, am mers si am cumparat flori.

Ieri dimineata: lucram in bucatarie, pentru FRCCF, vorbind romaneste cu Doru si Adi si ascultand Europa FM. Nici nu mi-am dat seama cand am aterizat cu totul in Romania. Am uitat, fara sa fiu constienta ca uit, unde sunt. Mecanic am urcat in camera mea, ca imi trebuia adaptorul pentru laptop. Aici mergea radioul. Si nu era Europa FM. Vocea unui DJ american m-a lovit brusc si m-a adus inapoi in Newark.

Suna ciudat si parca as scrie SF, dar nu stiu cum altfel sa traduc "iluziile emotionale" (multumesc Adi pentru expresie). Si nu se termina aici asa cum am crezut. Imaginatia abia isi facuse incalzirea. M-am intors in bucatarie unde rasunau stirile despre summitul de la Bucuresti. Pe ecran vedeam ferestrele obisnuite de messenger si word, iar in reflexie, acoperisurile caselor din spatele curtii noastre. Pentru o secunda am vazut foarte clar acoperisurile cladirilor care inconjoara statuia lui Matei Corvin din Cluj.

Cum se naste un cercetator

2008-04-03T03:39:00.005+02:00

In seara asta ar fi trebuit sa va vorbesc despre orasul care nu doarme niciodata, despre cum e sa vezi lumea de pe Statuia Libertatii si alte bla-bla-uri. Ghinion. Cum eu trebuie sa mai astept cateva saptamani sa ajung la New York si voi trebuie sa mai asteptati pana va scriu eu despre orasul ala. Am cumparat biletele de autobuz, totul a fost planuit perfect, doar ca... nu, nu a fost cutremur si nici nu am adormit dimineata si nici NY-ul nu a disparut de pe fata planetei.

Nu o sa ii inteleg niciodata (cred) pe studentii de aici (SUA) care scriu cu anii la o lucrare de diploma si o trateaza de parca ar candida la premiul Nobel cu ea. Nu zic ca ce am facut noi sau majoritatea dintre noi cu lucrarile noastre finale e ceva sanatos, da' ce fac ei nici pe atat. Se omoara un an sau mai multi citind, rozand articole. Isi inchid telefoanele, mananca junk food, se ascund in biblioteca pe unde nici nu te gandesti, isi consuma pauzele si week-endurile gandindu-se intens la ce perspectiva sa dea paragrafului X de la pagina Y, contribuie la incalzirea globala cu calculatoarele deschise nonstop, se simt vinovati daca petrec o ora cu cei mai buni prieteni... exagerez acum si ii cam transform pe toti in pustnici, da' nu pricep. Abia astept sa citesc o lucrare de a lor, sa vad ce poate iesi din atata investitie de timp, energie, transpiratie, amperi, volti, maioneza, hartie, cafea, farfurii de hartie, zahar, bilete de autobuz pentru New York etc.

Nota de subsol: Nu pot sa cred ca o tocilara ca mine a scris un articol ca asta.

Palma primita de la von Trier

2008-03-07T02:18:00.005+02:00

Azi am aflat ca sunt un CD. Nu un compact disc, ci "conscientiousness" si "dominance": alt test de personalitate facut la un alt curs despre leadership. Cu alte cuvinte ador detaliile, am standarde inalte, sunt analitica si in acelasi timp imi plac provocarile si iau repede o decizie si nu o regret. Si... sunt dura. Partea cu "dura" a fost cel mai greu de inghitit. Dar nu despre teste de personalitate vreau sa vorbesc, ci despre Lars von Trier, dar CD-ul asta are legatura cu filmele lui.

Lars von Trier ma enerveaza in contextul meu de CD. Ma "macina" cu ideile lui, ma face sa gandesc si sa rasucesc totul pana ametesc si ma pune in situatia penibila ca nu stiu ce decizie as lua daca as fi in pielea personajelor lui. Nu sunt reguli clare, detaliile nu ma ajuta, standardele etice sunt incalcate de oameni superetici pe care nu ii poti cobori de pe piedestal nici daca (s-)au ucis/prostituat/razbunat.

Am vazut pana acum Dancer in the Dark, Breaking the Waves si Dogville: 3 personaje feminine, cele mai inocente si pacatoase fiinte, daca ar fi sa le traduc in limba religioasa in care am crescut si mi-am format caracterul. Fiecare film e o mare provocare pentru "cutia" mea etica. Finalul fiecaruia dintre ele ma scoate din aceasta cutie si ma paraseste intr-o lume in care imi fuge pamantul de sub picioare. Si ma scoate din sarite. Si nu pentru ca am citit basme in copilarie, unde totul era in alb si negru, bun si rau, iar acum nu ma pot obisnui cu griurile. Ba dimpotriva, le-am urat, in masura in care pot uri eu ceva sau pe cineva. Nu puteam crede ca printii sunt perfecti si ma enervau ca erau predictibile.

Von Trier nu creeaza griuri, ci coloreaza lumea ducandu-si personajele in mod constant din punctul alb catre punctul negru. Si la final, tot nu stii unde sa le plasezi si le vad in fata ochilor cum fug de la un capat al spectrului la celalalt si nu se opresc si parca ar fugi pe neuronii mei. Si nu le pot opri.

Dar il ador pe Trier, in masura in care pot sa ador pe cineva sau ideile cuiva. De ce? Sunt doua tipuri de filme/carti/oameni care ma incanta. Primul tip sapa in minte/mine si imi articuleaza ideile si sentimentele. Cu alte cuvinte, nu descopera nimic nou in mine, ci doar face curat si ma aranjeaza pe dinautru. Clarifica. Al doilea tip rascoleste totul si aduce ceva nou la care nu m-am gandit niciodata sau ceva ce nu am simtit niciodata. Zdruncina. Filmele lui Trier sunt in categoria a doua.

P.S. Din motive tehnice greu de explicat si de inteles, a trebuit sa vad finalul de la Dogville in spaniola, pe youtube. Imaginati-va ca urmariti filmul cu sufletul la gura 2 ore si 49 de minute si, cand mai sunt 3 minute, se opreste: la cea mai interesanta parte in care inca speram ca inocenta va triumfa. Bineinteles ca nu se intampla asa. Nu in cazul lui Trier. Dar imi place cum imi toaca nervii de fiecare data si ma lasa, pana aproape in ultimul moment, sa cred ca imi va da dreptate.

Washington nu seamana cu Washington

2008-02-23T03:02:00.005+02:00

Asa cum monumentul George Washington nu seamana cu presedintele cu acelasi nume, asa nici orasul capitala nu seamana cu ce mi-am imaginat eu, iar Casa Alba nu se impune cum se impun Statele Unite peste tot in lume.

Nu sunt dezamagita, ci uimita. Orasul e foarte decent, cladirile sunt rational-impunatoare, gri, albe si verzi, strazile nici mari, nici mici. O capitala foarte linistita, dar cu vant puternic. Asa am gasit Washingtonul acum doua saptamani.

Am vazut o gramada de monumente ridicate in memoria unora si a altora si am inteles cat sunt de disperati americanii sa isi creeze o istorie, sa umple mii de ani pe care noi toti ceilalti ii avem inaintea lor. Am calcat pe visul infipt in piatra a lui Martin Luther King. Am urcat in decentul Washington Monument si nu a fost ca pe Notre Dame: priveliste frumoasa, dar geamuri mici inghesuite intr-un monument pe care il vizitezi din lift. Am vazut elicopterul presedintelui, cu presedintele in el, aterizand la Casa Alba. Cica am fost o norocoasa, dar m-am extaziat din politete si am facut 3 poze. Am zarit cumva, printre "aparatori" si gardul negru, Casa Alba si nu mi s-a parut prea mare si nici prea alba. Si, dintr-o lume prea normala pentru insemnatatea locului, la 20 de metri de palatul presedintelui american, se aflau gherete ca cele din piata Marasti, care vindeau tricouri cu FBI, I love Washington si Barack Obama (probabil viitorul locatar al Casei) si covrigi calzi pentru lobbyistii flamanzi.

In aceeasi decenta si nimic superfantastic, am vazut schelete de dinozaur, diamantul Hope si... Van Gogh si Toulouse Lautrec. Nu vreau sa fac pe intelectuala sofisticata, dar autoportretul lui Van Gogh si alte cateva bucati impresioniste si expresioniste, alaturi de trei piese Brancusi sunt lucrurile in fata carora am inceput sa tremur in Washington. Poate sunt prea europeana si nu apreciez elicopterul nou-nout a lui Bush si imi plac lucrurile prafuite, dar chiar cred, acum, in acest moment (ma repet, ca sa subliniez ca poate maine o sa gandesc altfel), ca Washington e tare si mare pentru colectia impresionanta de "informatie" adunata in muzeele sale. Aaaaaa... si mi-au mai placut avioanele si chiar as vrea sa inteleg in detaliu cum e posibil sa zboare.

Si mi-ar mai placea sa vad in Washington, dar nu stiu daca o sa am ocazia, multimea de politicieni si lobbyisti si inalti functionari de stat inchisi in cladirile alea gri si albe. Cred ca asta ar fi palpitant. In rest, multa decenta, liniste, copaci, iarba verde, statui uriase si memoriale, copii de temple grecesti.

P.S. La Casa Alba, as tremura doar daca as fi presedintele SUA. Si pentru ca am gandit asa, m-am ales cu o gripa americana care ma macina de doua saptamani. :)) Am trait sa o traiesc si pe asta.

P.S. bis Imi dau seama ca nu v-am spus cum imi imaginam eu capitala americana. Nu conteaza, dar oricum nu seamana cu ce v-am descris mai sus. Asa cum nu conteaza cum arata George Washington, ca pana la urma tot o coloana patrata au trantit.